By David Schoenfield
Page 2

According to leaked grand jury testimony, the San Francisco Chronicle reported that Jason Giambi testified to injecting steroids in his buttocks and Barry Bonds testified to unknowingly using "the cream" and "the clear."

But is that all? Is there more secret testimony? Page 2's crack investigative team has been on the case -- you knew we were, right? -- and discovered the testimony of others who appeared before the federal grand jury and unburdened themselves of their tales of performance-enhancers.

Some of them, in fact, even testified quite recently.

Some of the excerpts:

World Series hero Curt Schilling
PROSECUTOR: Have you ever used steroids or drugs to help you perform better?

Curt Schilling
Curt Schilling needed drugs to pitch on that ankle.

SCHILLING: No.

PROSECUTOR: You've never had your ankle shot up with heavy doses of painkiller?

SCHILLING: Well, yes, but those came from the team doctor.

PROSECUTOR: Did you get shot up during the third inning of your first playoff start against Anaheim?

SCHILLING: Yes.

PROSECUTOR: Did you get shot up prior to pitching against the Yankees and Cardinals?

SCHILLING: Yes.

PROSECUTOR: Would you have been able to pitch as well without those drugs?

SCHILLING: Probably not.

PROSECUTOR: But nobody in baseball considers that cheating, do they?

SCHILLING: No.

PROSECUTOR: But those drugs, like steroids, are illegal, unless prescribed by a doctor, correct?

SCHILLING: Look, I just want to remind everyone that I led the Red Sox to their first World Series title since 1918.

Golfer Vijay Singh
PROSECUTOR: This year, you became the first golfer to win $10 million in a single season. You won nine PGA Tour events. You passed Tiger Woods as the No. 1-ranked golfer in the world. You did this at age 41. How do you explain this?

SINGH: What are you suggesting? That I used "the cream"? Did you ask Annika if she used "the cream"? She's the best woman golfer in the world, and I want to emphasize "woman." But if she used too much of "the cream," maybe she should be allowed to play on the men's tour.

The Hit King, Pete Rose
PROSECUTOR: Did you ever use "the cream" while you were playing?

ROSE: You mean Aqua Velva? That wasn't really a cream.

PROSECUTOR: Did you ever see players using "the cream"?

ROSE: Well, I once saw George Foster putting some funky cream on his bat. Worked pretty well, too: George hit 52 home runs that season.

PROSECUTOR: Did you ever bet on baseball?

ROSE: Hey, is that a trick question or something?

NBA star Ron Artest
PROSECUTOR: Are you familiar with "the cream"?

ARTEST: "The cream" is an alluring substance, that's for sure. But here's something else alluring: the new album by my girl group Allure. The album is called "Chapter III" and its out on my label Tru Warier. That's Allure. And those girls are creamy. Check it out on my label, Tru Warier.

Former major leaguer Jose Canseco
PROSECUTOR: You've admitted to using steroids, correct?

CANSECO: It's all in my book.

PROSECUTOR: Did you ever contact Greg Anderson or Victor Conte about acquiring some of "the cream" when you were still playing?

CANSECO: It's all in my book, which is coming out in April.

PROSECUTOR: How many players in the major leagues use steroids?

CANSECO: I'll name them all in my book. Which I actually wrote. It's coming out in April.

PROSECUTOR: What kind of advantage do you get from using steroids?

Jessica Simpson
Can you believe they're doing another season of "Newlyweds"?

CANSECO: You'll have to read the book.

Pop star Jessica Simpson
PROSECUTOR: You say your husband made you quit using "the cream"?

SIMPSON: Yes, the cream was doing wonders for making my skin less blotchy, but Nick thought it was making my chin even larger.

National League Cy Young winner Roger Clemens
PROSECUTOR: Here's a picture of you when you struck out 20 Mariners back in 1986. And here's a picture of you pitching for the Astros. You look much bigger and stronger than you did back then.

CLEMENS: I work out a lot.

PROSECUTOR: What's your hat size?

CLEMENS: There was no intent. Again: Fired up, emotional, grabbed the bat to sling it toward our on-deck circle where our batboys were at. There was no intent.

PROSECUTOR: What was your hat size in 1986?

CLEMENS: To be honest with you, I didn't know if it was the bat or the ball.

Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens
PROSECUTOR: So you say Ms. Sheridan mentioned something to you about "the cream"? Any idea if she was using it and where she obtained it from?

OWENS: You saw the script. You saw her drop the towel. That woman was ripped!

And at her age?!?! When she jumped into my arms, I could feel her taut muscles flexing across my forearms. Not an ounce of fat on her. I haven't seen a body like that since Jerry Rice played on the Niners.

Former Oakland Raiders team internist Dr. Rob Huizenga
PROSECUTOR: You've been critical of steroid and drug use in the NFL. Do NFL teams, to your knowledge, ever prescribe "the cream" for their players?

HUIZENGA: No. NFL players are not allowed to use steroids. But NFL doctors do administer plenty of painkillers to their players.

Britney Spears
Multiple marriages will do that to ya, Brit.

PROSECUTOR: So they shoot them up with drugs?

HUIZENGA: Well, of course. Many of these guys have had multiple surgeries to their knees, elbows, shoulders, back and even kidneys. A lot of the players don't even know what they've been shot up with. But they couldn't play otherwise. They're football players. They're supposed to play through the pain. Gotta be tough, you know.

PROSECUTOR: What happens to these guys?

HUIZENGA: Well, a lot of them can't walk by the time they're 50. A former Raider named Curt Marsh lost his legs. They have severe arthritis. But, of course, they can take drugs for that.

Pop star Britney Spears
PROSECUTOR: Have you ever used "the cream"?

SPEARS: Well, I never used it until very recently. Ever since I met Kevin, I've been having lots of bad acne breakouts. It's pretty gross, actually. But I've been trying to use the cream every night before I go to bed.

PROSECUTOR: Did you get "the cream" from Greg Anderson?

SPEARS: What? No. I just get it at Wal-Mart.

David Schoenfield has never used "the cream" or "the clear."




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