By Dan Shanoff
Page 2 columnist

After offseason sessions with Steve Young on how to be a better left-handed QB, Atlanta Falcons sensation Michael Vick spent last week with Atlanta Braves hitting coach Terry Pendleton getting lessons on sliding techniques, which Vick showed off Sunday in the Falcons' 30-0 trouncing of the Panthers.

Page 2 applauds Vick's open mind about self-improvement, and suggests he get in contact with any of the following tutors to help him continue to fulfill his potential:


Michael Vick's New Entourage

Simon Cowell
On how to ... take criticism (What, you thought we'd say Tim Couch?)

Terrell Owens
On how to ... distinctly sign an autograph

Hootie Johnson
On how to ... avoid alienating female fans

Bobby Valentine
On how to ... avoid letting talent go up in smoke

Pat Ramsey
On how to ... sit comfortably on the bench (not that MV will ever experience that)

Martha Stewart
On how to ... improve escapability (not to mention how to make a mean centerpiece)

Anna Nicole Smith
On how to ... handle a heavy rush

Seneca Wallace
On how to ... take 'em one game at a time

Crash Davis
On how to ... talk in clichés

Kenneth Lay
On how to ... execute a sneak

Jenna Jameson
On how to ... run a naked bootleg

Scott Layden
On how to ... throw a bomb

Winston Churchill
On how to ... avoid a blitz

The producers of "Pluto Nash"
On how to ... deal with a costly fumble

Hugh Hefner
On how to ... score in the red zone

Louis Vuitton
On how to ... avoid a sack

Mark Madsen
On how to ... perfect the touchdown dance

Johnny Knoxville
On how to ... avoid turning into another overexposed "jackass"
   

Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2.