By Dan Shanoff
Page 2 columnist
You'd think the sports definition of "scary" would be standing in against Randy Johnson or getting screamed at by Bobby Knight. But Page 2 has a couple ideas of what makes for a far more frightening Halloween:
Finding out your teenage daughter has gone trick or treating with Shawn Kemp.
Pulling the "Kansas" square in your office-pool grid for the NCAA Tourney.
Being forced to play a game of Boggle against the Christies.
Discovering Jeff George has a job ... and you don't.
Having to announce Augusta National's first woman member: Rosie O'Donnell.
Owning stock in the health-insurance provider for the St. Louis Blues goalies.
Having to inform the Red Sox Nation that the team is relocating to Montreal, not the other way around.
Finding out that a performer you thought was ultimately cool is using retro "Chuck Nevitt" jerseys in his latest hip-hop video.
Keep those miniature Snickers bars away from Shawn Kemp.
Being Richard Williams' wing-man on his first post-divorce trip to the singles' bar.
Being the guy who has to tell "Undefeated College Football Team No. 3" that they are shut out of the national-championship game.
Arriving at work and learning that Darren Baker will spend the entire day sitting in your cubicle.
Catching a Barry Bonds home run in the bleachers on "Trial Lawyers' Day" at Pac Bell Park.
Being a Knicks season-ticket holder.
Sharing a locker with Ruben Rivera.
Standing behind Vin Baker at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Just imagine hitting the singles bars with the man on the left.
Needing a raise to prevent the bank from foreclosing on your home and finding out your new boss is Clippers owner Donald Sterling.
Being godfather to the love child of Benito Santiago and Jackie Autry.
Driving the car in front of Randy Moss during a traffic jam.
Turning on the TV to find Mark Madsen as "The Bachelor."
Dealing with another season of Thunder Stix.
Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His "What's Hot, What's Not" trend-spotting list appears Thursdays. Got inside scoop on an up-and-coming trend? Want to declare something passé? Send this glimpse of your hipness to email@example.com. Don't forget to check out the NHL season preview Hot 'n' Not List!
Oh, the horror, the horror.