Page 2 staff

ROCKY MOUNTAINS – MOUNTAIN TIME ZONE

Maria
As of press time, we could not – repeat, could not – confirm that the Mountain Time Zone even exists. After interviewing dozens of people, it was concluded that this whole phenomenon is part of an elaborate hoax created by the Coors Brewing Company.

LOS ANGELES – PACIFIC TIME ZONE

Maria
In a private and touching ceremony attended only by close friends and family, Anna Kournikova passed on the crown of Miss Mid-Life Crisis to Maria. Page 2 was able to obtain this exclusive photo of Maria in her first walk as the title holder. If for any reason Maria is unable to fulfill her duties, she will be replaced by Scarlett Johansson.