By Bill Simmons
Page 2

THE FINALISTS -- Group 1: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-12

THE FINALISTS -- Group 2: 13-17 | 18-21 | 22-25

FINALIST NO. 18
Name: Marion Fox
College: University of Rhode Island, 2002
Residence: Hoboken, NJ
Current Job: Financial Sales Assistant
Age: 24

Picture this; you are sitting at your favorite bar in your home town. You and your two best friends are still hung over and are trying to piece together what the three of you did the night before all while preparing for the huge Sox game. Then the door opens and in walks this girl, she is wearing point shoes with spiky heels, she has got tight jeans on and a shirt that hangs off her shoulders. She takes off her sunglasses, shakes her hair, and walks right between and your buddy giving you a sweet smile. She goes up to the bar orders a glass of white wine.

You take off your faded blue Sox hat, scratch your head and think one of two things, "What the hell does this girl think she is doing, this is not a pick up joint!" Or like most hot blooded men (who did not get any last night) "Maybe this is my lucky day!" You look at your friends, you give the smile, the nod and you make your way over to where the girl of your dreams awaits.

Slowly you stroll up to her, put your arm about the back of her stool and ask her if she needs help figuring out what is going on in the game. She sips her wine, looks at you, rolls her eyes, and in a cold icy voice asks if she can help you come up with a better pick up line!

Ouch, that stings!! Could it be that this girl sitting at the bar, dressed sexy yet classy knows her stuff and does not need a man to explain the fine points of football or any other sport to her?

That girl, at the bar, that's me. The 100 lb girl sitting in the bleachers seats at Fennway balancing fries on one knee and nachos on the other with amazing grace and still manages to cheer louder then most, while keeping her lipstick on, that's me. I'm the girl who gets to stay and watch the game, when everyone else's girlfriend is told to go home!

I am that girl who has an amazing handle on sports, pop culture, and style. I am the girl who will surprise you every time! That is why I should be your next intern, to bring a new style and view to the Sports Guy!


FINALIST NO. 19
Name: Martin Locraft
College: The Catholic University of America, 2001
Residence: Bethesda, MD
Current Job: Architect
Age: 25

I am 25. I've been fired from a career job. I am an American and I love soccer. The first five episodes of American Idol are hysterical. The next ten: depressing. I miss the NHL. I think Chipotle puts a laxative in their salsa. I have never seen "The Godfather" from start to finish. My favorite band is U2. I will drive cross-country before I die. Ashlee Simpson makes me nauceous. Jessica Simpson makes me horny. Homer Simpson makes me appreciate cartoons. O.J. Simpson was hilarious as Nordberg. I believe I will be famous one day. I would participate in WifeSwap only if Seal were the other male. I don't like vegetables. I am a blogger. I will love the Nationals. I think Robin Williams should stick to serious roles. I played D-III tennis. I've met Stifler's mom. Bad drivers upset me. I like to drop the f-bomb. Seinfeld was the smartest sitcom in history. I am not good at golf. I lived with two of the most beautiful girls in my college. I've never been remotely close to having a threesome. I have snowboarded in the Swiss Alps. I can write about anything. I saved 15% or more by switching to GEICO. I am the youngest of five children. I have snorkeled in the Carribean. I enjoy getting drunk. I will not exceed 400 words. I've been to Amsterdam and taken full advantage. I played club ice hockey in college. I think Phil Hartman was the greatest actor SNL ever saw. I am an underpaid Architect. I've been to multiple World Cup games. I don't understand the opposite sex. More than a few people call me "The Walking Party". I used to think Joe Gibbs was a diety. I was voted as having the best sense of humor in my high school. I have a Masters Degree. I will never live in Virginia. Reality television has gone too far. New York City fascinates me. I share a birthday with Anna Kournikova. I am a great speller. I smoke cigarettes. I think Kyle Korver looks like Ashton Kutcher. I love the Washington Redskins, regardless of their record. I think the Internet is the greatest invention ever. I lived in Rome for a semester. I am a self-proclaimed genius. I consider myself lucky to be where I am today. I don't think anything can stop me from getting this internship.


FINALIST NO. 20
Name: Lauren Silva
College: The George Washington University, 2003
Residence: Washington, DC
Current Job: Sports and Entertainment editorial aide at the Washington Post
Age: 23

A few innings into Game Two of the World Series my dad turns to me from his seat in Section 10, Box 6, Row H, Seat 4 and asks me, "You know what's so great about the World Series?"

Simple. 70,000 eyes turn to the bullpen. The door opens and He walks out as the baseline of "Lose Yourself" fills Fenway. Eminem sings, "he's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready -- To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting -- What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud."

35,000 voices ROAR. No one could clap hard enough. "SCHIIIIIIIIIIIL!" We scream. His response? None. Stoic. Stares straight forward at the mound. If he's limping, he hides it. Emimen sings on, "You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow -- This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo." Schilling would say later that he had anticipated that walk for four days, describing it as "thunderous, awesome, and until you've done it ... something that cannot be described."

Curt, that's how I felt seeing you walk out there, every time there was two strikes on a batter and the crowd mechanically, almost subconsciously, rose to its feet and 35,000 voices chanted "Let's Go Red Sox" in unison. When Cabrera flipped to Min-cay-vitch for the last out and even my dad stayed in his seat and soaked it all in. When NO ONE left. Instead we stood. We sang "I love that dirty water," and the good times really never felt so good (so good, so good). When we posed for pictures, knowing the camera could never capture the moment, but would always remind us it was the greatest one of our lives. This was the best part.

Until we looked out at the scoreboard one last time.

"There," my dad said, pointing. Except for the Morse code initials of Tom and Jean, the right side of the scoreboard was blank. No one could look at it and see if the Yankees were beating Toronto, or if Clemens was still in the game for the Astros. All eyes were on the only game left to be played.

52 -- 000 100 010 -- 2 5 0
29 -- 200 202 00X -- 6 8 4

"That," my dad said as he tucked away his scorebook, "is the best part of the World Series." I had to agree.


FINALIST NO. 21
Name: Rebekah Lorenz
College: Harvard, 2002
Residence: Cambridge, MA
Current Job: Head Coach, Cambridge Masters Swim Club
Age: 24

Last summer I was on the phone with a complete stranger, trying to find common ground between us after a mutual friend had decided to fix us up. The problem was that I live in Boston and he lived in Portland, Oregon. We started talking about baseball (mainly the Sox, since we both went to college in Boston). He was telling me about something he read on ESPN Page 2 and he asked me if I knew who the Bill Simmons was. "Are you kidding? I'm waiting to apply to be the Sports Mistress!" Amazingly, this didn't terrify him. Turned out that he was an avid Sports Guy fan as well 00 common ground discovered! One thing led to another and eight months later we're engaged to be married.

Well, Sports Guy, I may not be able to be the Sports Mistress, but I'd love to be your intern. After helping pave the way with my fiancÚ, I feel like I owe it to you. I realize that this job will entail little actual contact with you, and that's okay with me (and after she reads this, probably more than okay with the Sports Gal). You need eyes and ears on the scene in Boston and I can provide that. Together, I believe we can find a way to get Mike Martz to manage the Yankees, dooming them to mediocrity forever.

I, like you, hate early mornings, but I'll deal with them if I have to. I spent sixteen years as a swimmer, eight of them waking up at 4:30 to get to 5 a.m. workout. Waking up early to read emails with a cup of coffee has to be better. My Harvard degree, sitting in a box under my couch and several large dust-animals, has done nothing for me so far (I guess it's good that I have one, that bum Bill Gates didn't even graduate), but if there is one thing I learned in college, it's how to surf the Internet and be sarcastic about what I find. I can do this for you. Let me do this for you.

THE FINALISTS -- Group 1: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-12

THE FINALISTS -- Group 2: 13-17 | 18-21 | 22-25

Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN The Magazine. His Sports Guy's World site is updated every day Monday through Friday.




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