(I'll even be a witness for the prosecution: "Yes, I went to a Clippers-Raptors game in early December ... no, he didn't seem that interested in the proceedings ... ")
319. Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell (tie)
Trading for an NBA player with baggage is like dating a girl with baggage maybe you'll be happy for a few months, but there's a 95-percent chance it's going to end badly. (And I mean, BADLY, as in, "Why does it hurt when I pee?" or "I wonder who left 59 hang-ups on my answering machine?") In Minnesota's case, Spree and Sam helped KG win an MVP and nearly got Minny to the 2005 Finals before turning faster than a gallon of milk. Was it worth it? I would say yes. You only have three or four chances to win a title with a superstar, so you do what you need to do. And if this leads to Spree's retiring and filming a reality-show on his yacht, maybe it was for the best.
278. Jamal Crawford
If the NBA was a roto league, the other owners would have sent Isiah Thomas the "Hey, no offense, but maybe you should bring a partner next season" e-mail by now.
238. Chris Andersen
Hasn't received nearly enough acclaim for what happened since a potentially career-ending Slam Dunk Contest not only is he playing crunch time for the lowly Hornets, he's even had a few double-doubles. This is like Carl Lewis bouncing back from the National Anthem disaster and singing a well-received duet at the 1993 Grammys with Mary J. Blige. There's really no precedent.
215. Carlos Boozer
That's what you get for screwing over a generous blind guy.
200. Paul Shirley
I'm keeping my fingers crossed on this one, but thanks to his ongoing blog on NBA.com we could finally have an answer to the question, "What would it be like if one our friends was an NBA player and sent us e-mails about his life every few days?"
One mitigating factor: David Stern, who could morph into the warden in Shawshank over this one. I could even see this exchange happening outside the commissioner's office one night ...
Stern: "So you're telling me that you're going to continue doing this blog, and you're going to continue to be as candid as possible?"
Shirley: "Yessir, that's all I ever wanted, just give me that chance."
Stern (taking one last puff from a cigarette): "That's what I thought."
(He puts out his cigarette and walks away, then Shirley is quickly gunned down by Dick Bavetta from a fifth-story window.)
181. Baron Davis
Classic Warriors: They roll the dice on a former All-Star who ends up playing out of his mind, turning the team around and screwing up their top-four lottery spot. When next year rolls around, he'll probably blow out his knee before Halloween. We need to chip in $5 apiece and buy Warriors fans a new team they make Clippers fans seem fortunate by comparison.
161. Chris Webber
Would anything be more entertaining than C-Webb's getting injured in the playoffs, followed by a Kings-Sixers Finals and the first-ever Double Ewing Theory? I think about these things.