One note: I wouldn't have had a problem running a mailbag that was more than 5,000 words, but unfortunately, my editors have to plow through this thing and I didn't want any of them to kill themselves or have dangerous flashbacks to the Gregg Easterbrook Era. So I pulled out an NBA question that we'll run on my page later this week. As for everything else, as always, these are actual e-mails from actual readers:
Q: Congrats on your baby, looking forward to seeing her walking across the stage at the 2028 WNBA draft.
Brett, Gaithersburg, Md.
SG: Thank you.
Q: Congrats on the kid. I look forward to seeing her on The Simple Life 25.
Kevin, Hollywood, Calif.
SG: Thanks. Thanks so much.
Q: Did you injure anything jumping on Danica Patrick's bandwagon this weekend?
Jerry T., Roanoke, Va.
SG: I wrenched my neck a little but that was about it. Actually, my dad and stepmom were in town this weekend, and since my stepmom is a raging feminist, every time they showed the inside of Patrick's car, I muted the volume on the TV and pretended I was Patrick talking to her pit crew: "Look, I told you, I'm going as fast as I can! I can't drive when you're talking to me!!! Stop telling me how to drive!!! I'm going to pull over and get out right now, I swear to God!" That was more fun than the actual race.
(Come on, somebody has to make these jokes.)
Q: My favorite rule in basketball is when a player is fouled and ejected, then the other team chooses someone from the bench to shoot the free throws for him (like when Kendrick Perkins nearly lost Game 6 of the Pacers-Celtics series). I can only hope that happens to the Pistons and Darko has to come and shoot free throws to save the season. That would be amazing drama.
Matt Gallagher, Jersey City, N.J.
SG: As well as poetic justice if it happened against the team that ended up with Dwyane Wade, right? Look, I'm for anything that involves Darko. When TNT or ESPN is showing these Detroit playoff games, I think NBA TV should be simulcasting Darko's reactions on the bench for 150 straight minutes. Come on, you wouldn't occasionally flick over to the Darko Cam during a Pistons game, just to see what he was up to? Hey, look, Rasheed Wallace is telling him jokes! Hey look, Darko just fell asleep he's so cute! Count me in for at least 30 Darko Cam visits per game.
Which reminds me, now that we have a general idea of Wade's ceiling as a player, here's my question: if you were a Pistons fan with access to a time machine, and you could travel back in time to convince Joe Dumars to select Wade over Darko ... would you do it? Would you give up everything that happened in the 2004 championship season for the possibility of multiple championships with Wade (as well as the chance to watch him for 12-15 years)? Or would you keep the 2004 title and hope Darko turns into a player? My guess is that more Pistons fans would keep the title. But you never know. These are the questions that should be on the front page of ESPN.com.