Remember my mailbag rant about rewatchable movies last month, when I complained about the five-year drought (and counting) for entertaining movies that could be watched on cable again and again?
Back East a few weeks ago, I ended up on-Demanding (is that even a verb?) "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" at my mom's house one night. Even though the movie (about a chauvinistic '70s anchorman in San Diego, played by Will Ferrell) received mixed reviews last year, since Ferrell was involved, I gave it a belated shot ... and loved it. Two days later, I watched it again. When I returned to California, I bought the DVD and watched the movie and every extra. Much like the "Austin Powers" movies, it's silly and inspired, and you notice four or five new wrinkles every time you watch it. Now, if I'm flicking channels and it's just starting, I can't help myself. It's like being at a wedding where they serve those bacon-wrapped scallop appetizers: Sure, I guess I'll have one more, but that's it. And you end up having 10. Now that, my friends, is the very definition of a rewatchable movie.
Without further ado, instead of awards, I'm handing out 35 quotes and exchanges from "Anchorman" to the best and worst of the 2005 NBA's wild and wacky offseason:
1. "Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen. [Pause.] Cannonball!!!!!!"
To the Wolves ... whose big summer move was to re-sign Mark Madsen for $8 million over three years. How has the ESPN The Magazine cover with a brooding KG and the headline, "Get me out of here!" not happened yet?
2. "If you were a man, I would punch you right in the mouth."
To Joe Dumars ... I mean, you know he wanted to say this to Larry Brown, right? When Brown had his press conference with the Knicks last week, at the very least, the Pistons should have hired John Green to lob cups of soda at him.
3. "Huh? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Actually, I'm not even mad -- that's amazing!"
To Philly GM Billy King, who continues to hemorrhage money like a drunken stockbroker in the champagne room at Scores. Over the past four summers, King spent $68 million on an aging Dikembe Mutombo; $40 million on Kenny Thomas; $35.5 million on Aaron McKie; $29 million on Eric Snow; $20.7 million on Brian Skinner; $18 million on Greg Buckner; and an astonishing $15 million for Kevin Ollie (which was especially memorable because, at the time, I spent 15 minutes on the phone with my buddy House trying to get him to guess how much money Ollie had signed for, before House came up with the exact figure). And don't forget, King traded for C-Webb's bum knee and the $66 million remaining on C-Webb's contract last February.
So if you're Billy King, what do you do for an encore? You spend $45 million for the next six years on ... (drumroll please) ... Kyle Korver and Willie Green! Are you kidding me? It's amazing that King didn't get in on the Brian Scalabrine bidding. Anyway, I think King is clearly preparing for his next job -- Hollywood movie executive. Couldn't you see him spending $18 million to lock up Rob Schneider for "Deuce Bigalow 2?" He'd be perfect out here.