Here was my New Year's Resolution for 2005: More mailbags. That's what the people want, so dammit, I'm giving it to them. But since you're getting more mailbags, you have to listen to me vent about the Celtics every once in awhile. Just keep two things in mind:

1. The local coverage of this team has reached the point where I'm opting for generic AP stories, box scores and ESPN.com's play-by-play summary over accounts and features from anyone actually attended the game. So I'm considering these occasional Celtics columns a public service more than anything else.

2. Not only do I watch every Celtics game on TiVo and rewind certain plays multiple times to see what happened -- for those "I wonder why Mark Blount's man got his 8th dunk of the quarter" moments -- I have more useless opinions about this team than anything else in my life right now. Might as well stick it in a column.

So here's my trimester report card through 31 games (in alphabetical order):

Here's to hoping Tony keeps blacking out for years to come.

TONY ALLEN
The most exciting Celtics rookie since Dee Brown -- which is saying something because Dee Brown was pretty freaking exciting as a rookie ... TA is on pace to break the league record for "Most times flying in from the weak side and trying to jam an offensive rebound home" ... there isn't a more fearless leaper in the league -- in fact, along with Chris Andersen, he's the co-favorite for the wager "Which NBA player is most likely to be involved in the most horrific on-court accident in league history" ... it's funny how these things work out: they waste a lottery pick on Kedrick Brown four years ago, someone with similar talent and absolutely no basketball sense whatsoever, and then this kid falls into their lap four years later at No. 25 and gives them everything they thought Kedrick would give them.

Three other things I love about Allen: A.) He's the best defensive player on the team (nobody else is close), to the point that the Ron Artest comparisons started coming fast and furious during summer league; B.) he plays with a healthy amount of swagger, almost to a fault at times (like when he ripped Rodney Rogers' headband off after a dunk on Monday; C.) he's the best teammate on the team, always standing up and cheering on everyone else. I love this guy. Can you tell?

One thing I REALLY love about Allen: Supposedly he gets so excited about a good dunk, he actually blacks out for a second or two after it happens. Like after the Hornets game, he had no recollection of pulling Rogers's headband off. It was like when Alison used to black out on "Melrose Place." Now that's a fun guy to have on a team.

One thing that worries me about Allen: He can't make a consistent jumper. It looks like a technique problem more than anything -- he jumps too high when he shoots it. He's too good of an athlete not to figure this out. Worst-case scenario, he becomes a much more athletic/exciting version of Bruce Bowen. And that's a worst-case scenario. He needs to play more.

Grade: A-Minus.

MARCUS BANKS
I hate judging point guards until Year Four or Five -- just look at the careers of Kevin Johnson, Chauncey Billups, Gary Payton, even someone like Antonio Daniels. They're like quarterbacks. You have to give them time to develop and make mistakes. You just do. Banks also has two NBA-ready skills: He's a good defender and he's fast as hell; you could make a case that he's the fastest player in the league. There's no reason he couldn't become a healthier version of Robert Pack.

Three problems though:

1. He has no leadership abilities whatsoever. I can't emphasize this strongly enough. He even goes the other way -- he'll show someone up on the court if they screw up an alley-oop pass or something. He's the kind of guy everyone ends up hating in a pickup game, the guy with whom you don't even want to make eye contact at the water fountain between games. That's Marcus.

2. During timeouts, when GP would give him advice, Banks would basically snub him. Now GP ignores him for the most part. Smart move, blowing off a Hall of Famer who wanted to help you become a better player. That will get you far.

3. In my mind, the most important parts of playing point guard include: Overall court vision; unselfishness; the ability to even see the open man; a rudimentary sense of right and wrong when running a fast break; knowing your teammates strengths and weaknesses and tailoring your game around them; the good sense to take of your big guys when they're running the floor; when to take over a game and when to bide your time; and showing consistent leadership on the court. Unfortunately, Banks gets a solid "F" in every category right now. I'm not kidding. EVERY category.

Maybe this will change over the next few years ... but right now, I can only judge what I see. And I see a fast guy with an attitude problem who has no idea how to play basketball. He could be in All-Star in 5 years and I wouldn't be surprised. He could be playing in Greece in 5 years and I wouldn't be surprised. So there you go.

Grade: D-plus.

The lesson as always -- ALWAYS listen to the Sports Dad.

MARK BLOUNT
Remember the column I wrote last summer, when I defended the Blount signing but wondered, "Either he is the proverbial late bloomer, or he was pulling a McIllvane, this year's stiff center making a contract run at the perfect time"?

Well, we have our answer: He's a Grade-A stiff. Let the record show that Blount played hard for 50 games in his NBA career, weaseled a giant contract out of the Celtics, then went right back to not giving a crap. His performance over the past two weeks had to be seen to be believed. Here were three posts I made on my favorite Celtics message board during that span:

"Congrats to Mark Blount for submitting the worst first quarter in the history of the franchise tonight. He made Erick Dampier look like Shaq during his LSU days. Good God. On the bright side, at least he has terrible hands."

"Blount's play over the last 3 weeks answers the age-old question, 'What would it look like if an NBA player got stoned right before a game?'"

"Another Mark Blount classic tonight: Five unforced turnovers, two three-second violations, 3 awkward silences from Tommy and Mike. Is it possible that he had a minor stroke over the summer?"

(I can't talk about this anymore. Hey, have I mentioned that he's just about impossible to trade because Danny Ainge gave him a 15-percent trade kicker in his contract? I will now light the FleetCenter on fire.)

Grade: F-minus

RICKY DAVIS
Here's the Ricky moment that sums everything up: We're down by 22 to the Pistons with six minutes to go in the fourth. Larry Brown puts Darko Milicic and the autistic kid wearing the peanut costume from Carver High in the game, signifying that, yes, we're officially in garbage time. So Ricky gets a steal, streaks down the side and unleashes a hellacious dunk ... and then he stares down the Pistons bench for a second before running back up the floor. Billups and the Wallace brothers were looking at each other like, "Whaaaat? Wait a second, whaaaaaat?"

Here's the point: He just doesn't get it. In a home game against the Bucks, up by three with two seconds left, he nearly fouled Keith Van Horn trying to block a harmless lay-up for absolutely no reason at all. Honestly, I'm not even sure he's aware that they keep score during games. He's an unbelievable athlete, a decent defender (when he feels like it -- like when he handled LeBron in Cleveland last month) and a streaky scorer who can take over any game at any time. You couldn't create a better sixth man on paper. (Or rolling paper.) But the minuses outweigh the plusses and I wish he played for someone else. He's one of those World B. Free guys -- just much better off playing for a 20-62 team. That's his ultimate destiny. Even if I secretly love him for breaking out that Doctor J-retro afro last week -- if there was video footage of Red Auerbach seeing that thing for the first time, I think I would pay $500 for it.

(My Dad's take on Ricky: "Disappointing, but at least he tries hard. I go to the games -- Mark Blount doesn't even try sometimes. I watch him very closely. He doesn't care. You need to put that in your column. Mark Blount doesn't care! I told you it was a bad signing. You never listen to me.")

Grade: C-plus

TOM GUGLIOTTA
Token white guy alert! Token white guy alert! At least the babes like him.

Grade: 36DD

The new employee No. 8 is a welcome surprise to the C's.

AL JEFFERSON
Okay ...

In my humble opinion, this was the most important Celtic draft pick in 6 years (since Pierce fell to them at No. 10) and the only guy on the team with a chance to get his number retired some day. So we might as well start there. Some things for you to consider: