Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez said it best: Let's play some ball!

I won't lie. So far, my B.S. Exposed columns have gone as smoothly as Smalls learning to play baseball in "The Sandlot." (And by the way, when you picture The Intern, what are you picturing? Some twerp in an extra-long-brimmed baseball cap, right? Don't lie to me.) So if these columns were Smalls' first stab at baseball, I'd have to call my first attempt "the black eye." My second would be "the wild flailing at the pop-fly, the screaming and stumbling into the brush." My third intro -- the apology for the entire second column -- is "Smalls walking the ball in." A potential turning point.

See, I can do as much research as I want for these things; but until an hour after they go up, I'm never completely sure. You just have to stick your arm up, close your eyes and hope the ball goes into the glove. Last time, it worked. The damn thing went in. I made one lousy mistake:

Simmons originally wrote: "Qyntel Woods' recent pit bull scandal could lead to him becoming the first Blazer ever to get A.) investigated by Don Yaeger and Lester Munson, and B.) his own segment on 'Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel.'"

Here was the initial correction from Keith of Harrison, N.J.: "Unfortunately, Qyntel Woods would not be the first Blazer to have his own segment on 'Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel.' 'Sheed had his own segment a few years ago. However, we can only dream that Woods and his dogs make a cameo on a very special edition of Animal Planet's 'Animal Cops: Portland.'"

And here's the revised one from Brendan Wright: "If Simmons had said: 'He'd be the first to get A.) AND the first to get B.)' ... this correction would be correct. However, from a logic and linguistic standpoint, I believe that Bill is correct that Qyntel would be the first to get BOTH A.) and B.). Both things must happen for the statement to be true."

Not withstanding that my high school geometry teacher is apparently sending corrections in under the assumed name "Brendan Wright," I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

Now let's get to s'more corrections before I screw something up!

(All right ... not feeling so good after that joke. If you need me, I'll be playing with my Erector set.)

In "Questioning the NBA," Simmons wrote: "How would Kobe handle getting jeered night after night if they start struggling? Would he develop the Private Pyle 'I'm heading into the bathroom with my shotgun' Face after a few weeks? Would he demand a trade? How would this play out?"

Writes Christopher Emmick: "Private Pyle went into the bathroom with a rifle, not a shotgun. As the drill instructor said earlier in the film, 'That is not your daddy's shotgun, [Private] Cowboy.' Actually, getting The Intern to refer to Simmons as 'Private Cowboy' would be a highlight of the year. Can we make that happen?"

In "Hunkering down in the mailroom," Simmons wrote: "I think we should call this 'The Tyson Zone.' Others who qualify: Dennis Rodman; Omarosa; R. Kelly; Landon from 'The Real World'; Najeh Davenport; Suge Knight; Flava Flav ... "

Writes D. Lucas in Missouri City, Texas: "You incorrectly spelled the great 'Flava Flav.' Flavor Flav was on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live' and actually said, 'For all those magazine writers out there, and I love ya, it is spelled 'F-L-A-V-O-R F-L-A-V.' Please show respect where respect is due."

In "Clipped in L.A.," Simmons wrote: "Sadly, Elgin was asleep at the wheel when New Orleans held a fire sale for Darrell Armstrong last week. The Mavs ended up getting him straight-up for Dan Dickau, which was like trading a 1997 BMW 325I with 105,000 miles on it straight-up for a Vespa."

Writes James Arthur: "I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I just wanted to point out that BMW didn't make a 325 in 1997. The only 3-series models they had that year were the 318 and 328. Check out Kelley Blue Book for verification."

In "Hunkering down in the mailroom," Simmons wrote: "I always thought the best possible sitcom could be summed up in one sentence, followed by the subsequent sentence, 'Comedy ensues.' If it sounds funny in two sentences, it's probably a winner. The premise behind 'My Two Dads' was flawed because, in real life, they would have gotten a blood test to figure it out."

Writes Matt Miller in Prairie Village, Kansas: "Someone had better tell Simmons that 'My Two Dads' did, in fact, take a blood test. The only reason I know this, though, is because my buddy at work assigned a summer law clerk to research the topic. She knew the answer off the top of her head and wrote a memorandum about how they tore the envelope up because they decided they didn't REALLY want to know which one was and which one wasn't her dad. Oh, and the summer associate got a full-time job offer from our law firm. You can't make this stuff up."

In "Hunkering down in the mailroom," Simmons wrote: "Just once (on 'Survivor') I want someone to say, 'Well done, you're a better scumbag than me, congratulations' and that's that."

Writes David Vogel in Yukon, Ohio: "That's exactly what happened in 'Survivor: Amazon.' Jenna and Matthew went into the final two with nearly everyone in the jury hating Jenna. Everyone thought Matthew had it wrapped up, but Jenna won the most lopsided final vote ever, 6-1. She even got Christie the deaf girl's vote six days after she was voted out, and said, 'I am going to make sure that those freakin' evil stepsisters of mine are not going to win the million dollars.' She screwed nearly everyone in the jury and they turned around and gave her the money. After that, I was about to give up on 'Survivor.' But then they discovered Rupert."

From "Behind the bench," Simmons wrote: "I'm sure Carlos Delfino will get better as the season drags along, but he looked like a rookie last week. Although it's fun to see a Euro player trying to dunk on everyone -- it's roughly equivalent to a Euro hockey player trying to start fights with everybody, if we still had an NHL and all."

Writes Paula Franckowiak in Buffalo: "Loved the article, only there was one problem: Carlos is Argentinean, and the last time I looked on a map, Argentina wasn't in Europe."

In "Long distance turkey," Simmons wrote: "Remember the famous Piper's Pit when Rowdy Roddy Piper slams the coconuts off Jimmy Snuka's head, then screams into the camera, 'Just when they think they got the answers, I change the questions!' That's Mike Martz and the Rams. And this feels like one of those weeks where they change the questions on us."

Writes Greg DeMattos in Attleboro, Mass.: "Piper never uttered that quote in the Snuka segment. Rather, after blasting Snuka, Piper scurried off to the back as Snuka struggled to get back to his feet while simultaneously destroying the set of the Pit. In actuality, that quote was uttered in the first-ever Piper's Pit featuring none other than the immortal jobber Frankie Williams."

From "Me, TV and Percocets," Simmons wrote: "Back in the '80s, when I would feign Bueller-like illnesses so Mom would keep me home from school, we only had like 20 channels. Now there's like 500; and over the course of six days, I probably watched most of them -- plus, I was loaded up on more Percocets than Brett Favre during the entire 1998 NFL season."

Writes Sarah in Wisconsin: "By 1998, Favre was drug free. He went into rehab in the spring of '96, right before they won the Super Bowl. So, if you're going to make an analogy relating to that topic, you should get the years right, because he was off of drugs in the '96 season and beyond. Besides, it's a cheap shot anyway, and it's way in the past. Go Pack Go!"

(Adds Todd Larson in Canton, S.D.: "I imagine that you have received numerous e-mails about this, but in a recent column, you wrote that you were popping Percocets like Brett Favre. Favre was hooked on Vicodin, not Percocets. Percocets are for wussies.")

In "Out of the Clipper Closet," Simmons wrote: "Only one outcome would be more improbable than the Sox winning the Series: The Clips winning a series. (In) the past 25 years ... they made the playoffs only two times -- in consecutive years, no less, during the fondly remembered Larry Brown Era -- and didn't advance past the first round either time."

Writes Matt Hancock: "The Clips also snuck in the playoffs in '97. It's easy to forget, as they were bounced quickly (three games) by Utah. More people remember the 'glory years' (92-93) of Larry Brown, which you did mention."

In "Me, TV and Percocets," Simmons wrote: "I thought they solved this problem with the Vegas season when MTV said to themselves, 'Let's stick seven morally corrupt people in a morally corrupt setting and hope for an orgy' (which almost happened). But they followed that up with San Diego and now Philly -- smaller cities where they live in an impossibly gorgeous house and the locals treat them like pariahs, only that doesn't stop them from getting drunk five nights a week."

Writes Ed Wiener: "Philadelphia is a bigger city than Las Vegas. I believe it's still the fifth-largest in the U.S. behind NY, LA, Chicago, and Houston, although Phoenix is supposedly close now. Vegas may be growing a lot faster, but I'm 99-percent sure it is still smaller."

(Adds Brett Furber: "I know this is somewhat trivial, but both Philly and San Diego are in the top 10 cities by population, while San Fran is not. In fact, Philly is twice the size of San Fran. Obviously not a big deal, but it is just another example of Philly not getting the respect it deserves ... other than biggest goon city, which it rightfully deserves.")

In "Me, TV and Percocets," Simmons wrote: "There hasn't been a reality-TV character even remotely like Ami: It's like she holds the key to some higher state of being, when women are running the country and men work menial labor jobs and walk around with honing devices implanted in their ankles."

Writes Zach Curry in Dallas: "Simmons should have said HOMING devices. Honing is what you do with a skill, e.g., I've been honing my poker skills of late. Homing is akin to zeroing in on something, e.g., I am homing in on the homing device. This is an extremely common mistake, but one that a writer shouldn't make."

In "The house doesn't always win," Simmons wrote: "It's like the two-dollar bill of hats. I've been wearing it constantly. When I bring this thing to Vegas, it's going to be like the scene in 'Rain Man' when the Babbitt brothers took the Mirage down."

Writes Aaron Treat: "They were at Caesar's Palace."

(Adds The Intern: "This is a tough one. Not only did Aaron give me the smallest amount of material to work with in the history of B.S. Exposed, but it's painful to see Simmons blow a Vegas reference like this. High time to saddle up and head for the desert, Private Cowboy ... ")

In "The NFL's easy money," Simmons wrote: "Since I have nothing else to add, Jake Plummer's beard looked fantastic on Sunday night. I instantly gained like 35 percent more confidence in him. No idea why. Just made him look less shaky. If the results are good with Jake, maybe Aaron Brooks could grow one, with the added bonus that he'd end up looking like Cornelius 'Bump City' Bumphus."

Writes Rob Weintraub: "In forcing references to obscure '80s fighters, you've confused two of the best. There's a Johnny 'Bump City' Bumphus (kickin' beard), and a Cornelius Boza Edwards (no beard, but a hell of chin), but no Cornelius Bumphus. That's like referencing Bobby 'Bazooka' Limon -- two great fighters, one great nickname."

Simmons responds: "Actually, Cornelius Bumphus was the saxophone player for the Doobie Brothers ... in one of their concert tapes, they introduced him as 'Bump City Bumphus.' And yes, he had a straggly beard. So there."

In "The house doesn't always win," Simmons wrote: "We learned one thing last week: Jake Plummer could grow a Dusty Gibbons-length beard and he'd still be Jake Plummer."

Writes James Horne of Johnson City, Tenn.: "It should either be Billy Gibbons or Dusty Hill from ZZ Top. Member Frank Beard didn't have one, but did sport quite the porn moustache."

And finally, in "Me, TV and Percocets," Simmons wrote: "How can MTV save ('The Real World')? They can't. It's a train wreck. Why hasn't HBO ripped off the idea, thrown seven wannabe actors in a Hollywood Hills house and pushed the nudity/partying/swearing envelope? How many times do I have to keep floating this out there?"

Writes David Howarth: "You were asking HBO or someone to put together a better, dirtier version of the Real World. Well, Playboy TV already has. Porn Star Devinn Lane hosts a house where real life people apply to be in the house, including an interview process where basically everyone, guys and chicks, have to have sex with Devinn, then live with a bunch of cameras. If they don't have sex enough or aren't promiscuous enough, they have to leave ... Good stuff."

Simmons responds: "Come on, of course I knew about the Devinn Lane show, which is called '7 Lives Exposed.' Unfortunately, the show is rigged -- they make it seem like it's real, but it isn't. That's why there's always those random fake fights that need to be broken up. Um, not that I've seen the show or anything ... "

***If you've got a correction for "BS Exposed," send it to sgreaderrants@gmail.com.***