NY Post (11/7) -- If misery (Jackie Christie) loves company, she's got it now. After berating her "View" co-hosts Monday morning, Star Jones went off on her fabulous honeymoon. The first stop: the shopping capital of the Middle East, the United Arab Emirates! Ugh. I can see this note on a nightstand at the Grand Hyatt Duabi.

Baby,
Got hungry. Wanted some Wendy's. Drove to Fallujah. Miss you already.
Love, Al

NY Daily News (11/17) -- So a blackmailer was trying to extort Gary Sheffield, claiming he has X-rated tapes of his wife and a professional singer. She's 28, he's 37 and their romance was "over ten years ago." Wanna guess who the singer is? Think Ma$e with a 'c' instead.

NY Daily News (11/17) -- Maybe "Free Stencil Night" at the Bronx Long John Silver's wasn't such a great idea after all ... unless you hate the Yankees.

MSN Entertainment -- Britney Spears recounts her honeymoon in a poem that makes it infinitely more impressive Lennon scribbled "A Hard Day's Night" on a match book. The first stanza:

A honeymoon at last, to get away from it all
My assistant Fe gave me the call.

LINKS OF THE DAY:
Something different. Because we're running a BS Exposed column tomorrow in lieu of links (which will return Monday), I decided to ante up and give you Friday's share, too. And since way too many submissions get lost in the daily news, I'm turning it over to the readers. Here are some of the one-liners that have cracked me this week:

NY Post -- "Geez, Rick Fox really let himself go, huh?" (David Dionisio)

ESPN.com -- "I guarantee he gets suspended next season for stealing his roommate's term paper and turning it in as his own." (Jed Deplitch)

Yahoo! Sports -- "It's a Khalil Green thing." (Jason Kurrack)

NBA Draft.net -- "That's like comparing Rudy to Raven on 'The Cosby Show'!" (Kevin Coyle)

Yahoo! News -- "Was Simmons near the White House when he heard that Dale Sveum coming back?" (Aziz El-Tahch)

One last thing: since the links are being pre-empted, there won't be any Friday emails of the week. In their place, I've decided to run what I'd call one last compilation of Johnny Cash's greatest hits. You might remember this "correction" that appeared in the BS Exposed column last month:

"Reader John McKenty of Red Bank, NJ, responds: "Considering that The Sports Guy has such an affinity for 'Swingers,' you'd figure he would know the name of the gangbanger in Trent's posse's name is Sioux, not Sue. He's named after Johnny Cash's song 'Boy Named Sioux.' I'm not that smart, they explain it right there in the movie."

Needless to say this was incorrect, and for about eight hours on day this ran, it was like trying to dump of water out of the Titanic. I'd read one angry response, two more came in. Read another, got two more. Here's the best of what I've got. If you're wondering why I'd single this guy out, 1) Keep in mind some of this stuff is directed at me; 2) Try reading 526 emails about a song you've never heard; and 3) Hey ... he never apologized. Enjoy the weekend.

Oh, and don't take this too seriously John ...

John McKenty of Red Bank, NJ, is right: he isn't that smart. Who in Red Bank told him the way to spell Johnny Cash song titles? Jason Mewes?
-- Albert W Dubreuil; Boston

IMDB.com lists Patrick Van Horn as "Sue." That's S-U-E, rather than S-I-O-U-X.
-- Drew (not Drioux) Munson

This may have been the greatest slight to Johnny Cash since Justin Timberlake "dedicated" his VMA award to Cash last year.
-- Matt Deen

The Cash song is Boy Named Sue, not Sioux. John McKenty is a boltbag.
-- Michael Beach

I don't remember hearing anything about Native Americans in "Swingers." Even when they were in the casino.
-- Roger Chen; St. Paul, Minn.

My advice would be that unless you need the facts on Trans Ams, sweatsuits or Bon Jovi lyrics, just disregard the emails from Jersey.
-- Troy; Cedar Rapids, IA

Cash's idea behind being named 'Sue' is that having a female name would make his boy grow up to be tough. Being named 'Sioux' makes you Bruce Willis' kid.
-- Brian Dawson

Questioning Simmons' knowledge of "Swingers" is something like betting against Favre at home in his prime: it should never be done under any circumstances.
-- Michael DeSantis

By the way, if my name was Sue and I happened to be a gangbanger I would definitely use a line from the song: "My name is Sue, how do you do? Now you're gonna die."
-- Mark Dunn; Cumberland, RI

Please get a clioux. Read the albums, liner notes, the credits in Swingers, IMDB, Google, Icerocket, anything.
-- Mark A. Brunty

Sports Guy is correct. It's a Boy named Sue (written by Shel Silverstein). The whole song is about this guy with a chick name who gets made fun of for it and becomes bitter. He hunts his dad down, gets into a vicious brawl with him, it end up with them hugging. It's a sensitive piece.
-- Joshua Tudryn

Anyone familiar with the works of Johnny Cash would find it difficult to think that Johnny would write a song about the negative connotations of being a boy named Sioux (see his 1964 album, "Bitter Tears: Ballads Of The American Indian"). I guess that's enough for today's pop culture history lesson.
-- Sean Hillman

In the words of Mike and the Mad Dog: That was a bad job by McKenty there.
-- Mike McDowell

I hope Johnny Cash rises from the grave and kicks both your asses.
-- PNS, San Francisco

In the song, the kid is named Sue by his father because he'll grow up under constant harassment, forced to fight for his dignity and pride, thus making him the toughest SOB to roll through Gatlinburg in mid-July. It's an interesting method of absentee fathering. If he were named Sioux then I guess he spent a lifetime fighting racist cowboys? Kind of changes the whole dynamic of the song.
-- Byrd, Philadelphia

Doesn't work quite as well if he's named for a Native American tribe, unless he also happens to be sitting on rich mineral deposits in the Midwest.
-- Jimmy Ryals, Washington, NC

John McKenty of Red Bank, NJ has been spending too much time at Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash, because it's not "Boy Named Sioux."
-- Tony Bartling

I don't think a guy named for a native tribe would spend most of his adult life looking to kick is own dad's ass ... unless he really, really hated "Dances With Wolves."
-- Chad Wemyss; Dallas

I don't think being named after a Native American tribe would be too bad, but you could ask Cherokee Parks.
-- Joseph Bolt

From this day forward, John McKenty of Red Bank, NJ, is my sworn enemy.
-- Jamie Girard; Washington, DC

McKenty ... what kind of bogus private-eye name is that anyway?
-- Richard Burke, Charlestown, S.C.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go listen to "Peggy Sioux" and then perhaps enjoy a Siouxsan Sarandon movie.
-- Bob Engebos

Of course, I could point out that you should have known that, but hey, you're young, you've probably got Matchbox 20 and Maroon 5 albums to listen to.
-- Mike Lang

Poor Johnny Cash. If he were alive to meet John McKenty, he'd probably butt a bottle over his head, then write a song about it. "A Boy Named Stooge"?
-- Jonathan Fox; Plymouth, MA

Too bad this wouldn't work today. The child would change his name or he would become a decorator.
-- Caleb

The Man in Black is going to have to double his intake of sleeping pills and horse tranquilizers from 200 to 400 per day to forgive this error. Oh, that's right, he's dead. Make it 600.
-- Chris Frahm

This is also my theory about many of the players in the NFL: The Cash Effect. Who gives kids names like Aeneas and Tiki anyway?
-- Jim Mastrangelo

S-U-E. As in "Shut-Up-End of freaking story."
-- Vince Freeman, Bensalem, Pa.

WEDNESDAY:
Boston Globe (11/15) -- "This is my friend Strollin' Jim Nolan," Simmons recalls. "Back in college, he was the guy who organized beer runs, ran intramural leagues and was available for pickup hoops basically any time you asked him ... now he's in control of an entire football stadium. There's hope for college students everywhere."

(Me, I'd strive to be prez of operations. No mention of him whatsoever! Who is he, Peter Gibbons?)

NY Post (11/16) -- Typically when I picture John and Little Carmine fighting for their lives, it's with each other ... and in Brooklyn, not outside Brooks Brothers.

Whu Dat.com -- While I respect the perseverance needed to find out Elephant Man's middle name, what's it worth when you mix up 50 Cent and Fiend? Even CCD teachers know Curtis Jackson! Meanwhile, AI makes the list, so it's safe to say Ron Artest isn't just jealous of his MVP trophy.

eBay -- By now you've probably heard about the grilled cheese Virgin Mary, but why settle when you can have the seven-in-10-she's-a-virgin Mary, and her sister, too? Good to see her back on carbs.

(Hiding under coffee table ...)

LINK OF THE DAY:
Inside Hoops (11/6) -- It reads this Mo Taylor interview all the way through ... and it never again watches the Jame Gumb scenes in "Silence of the Lambs" without spraying Sprite out its nose.

TUESDAY:
LA Times (11/13) -- Only in Hollywood could a person make a living sitting in the "Friends" writers meetings and typing out their dirty jokes, then claim she's dying a little every day (unless it was Ross' leather pants/hand cream scene ... excruciating). I hope they held a separate meeting to hash out why they'd fire her. "Guys! Listen up! I've got it ... she types too slow!" WHAHAHAHA!

Portland Tribune (11/12) -- If nothing else, Roddy Piper's got a positive outlook about his new stand-up comedy act. "I don't even consider it heckling unless they stab me." Now let's hope he's got thick skin.

LA Times (11/16) -- And let's consider this "heckling." As Snoop and Quincy Jones were on stage to present Dr. Dre with an award last night, the Vibe crowd turned as rowdy as Crenshaw Boulevard (when it's packed and fulla cars). Suge Knight's denying involvement, but tying this back to Piper, I gotta ask something. Has anyone ever seen Suge and Bad News Brown in the same place?

Boston Globe (11/16) -- In a month, these sentences could live alongside Dan Shaughnessy calling David Ortiz a "sack of you-know-what" in Globe infamy: "While we watch House solve mysteries like a medical Sherlock (including the drug addiction), we also watch the mystery that is House -- as immovable and impossible to see through as his name. And best of all, we also watch (Hugh) Laurie, the British actor known by many as Bertie Wooster in 'Jeeves and Wooster' and Mr. Little in 'Stuart Little,' as he delivers a tour de force performance."

Wait for it ...

Waaaait for it ...

YOU'RE RISKING THE PAPER'S CREDIBILITY!

CLASSIC LINK OF THE DAY:
Louisville Courier-Journal (11/7/2004) -- Why link to something a week old? Put it this way: I'm glad everyone enjoyed the Gary Wayne Rodgers link from yesterday. As the afternoon went on, I wondered how somebody could have found that and unfortunately, here's the answer. As Lou Brown said ... this guy here is dead. So if you've got any more jokey Sean Penn comparisons to make ... um, cross them off.

BONUS CLASSIC LINK OF THE DAY:
Inland Valley Daily Bulletin (11/11/04) -- Since that last one was a bummer, here's every football writer/stoner surfer dude's dream lead. (I guess he's saving "Everything is different, but the same ... things are more moderner than before ... bigger, and yet smaller ... it's ... computers" for the BCS.)

MONDAY:
The Slate (11/12) -- While reading "The Slate Guide To Managing Your Posse" (worth it for the links alone), it got me wondering. What exactly does ODB's entourage do now that he's gone? Join Cappadonna's? Move from the 36 Chambers to the Super 8? Try to find the receipt for that submarine they bought? Or do they just head straight to Foot Locker? The possibilities are endless. Pretty bleak, but endless.

eBay -- A grand didn't sound too bad for a flight to LA, a night in a five-star hotel and lunch for two. Too bad it's the reserve. I get a feeling that this is some disposable income Trishelle won't ever be spending.

Gamespot (11/11) -- For anybody who's wondered how EA could create 18 leagues, 38 national teams and 11,000 players ... in FIFA 2005. My high school won the state title last year; I'm still hoping to unlock them.

The Tennessean (11/13) -- An update on a Simmons favorite and the charter member of the Unintentional Comedy Hall of Fame, Dontae Jones, who's gone from high-fiving Henry Louis Gates during pregame warmups to scoring 41 points and 12 boards in his ABA debut with the hairline of Rory from "Survivor" ... while living a Whoopi Goldberg movie.

LINK OF THE DAY:
Lexington-Fayette Division of Community Corrections -- While there's nothing (all right, something ... everything) inherently funny about being arrested 96 times in a calendar year, the hairstyles of Gary Wayne Rodgers belong in the Smithsonian. My favorite's number eight: The King of the Wild Frontier.

***If you have a suggestion for "The Links," mail it to sgweeklylinks@gmail.com.***