Like a little kids' t-ball game, everyone is a winner in The Sports Guy intern contest. That is why I'm handling the Daily Links for this week. Just call me "Not Kevin." Don't worry, the real winner will be with you next week. In the mean time, here are some second-rate links from a second-place gal:
eBay -- Hmm..I have thousands of dollars, and I'd love to invest it in something that has housed John Elway's jockstraps. Wherever can I find -- OOH! Right here.
Simmons assures me that his teeth come separately.
The Smoking Gun -- This link is dedicated to my mother, who defends Bo Bice with every fiber of her being each week and dials for him until her fingers bleed. Or is that blood from Bo's nose? It's hard to tell.
Washingtonpost.com, login -- Chris Burke form Washington, DC, pointed out the best Screech quote (on Mr. Belding): "Dennis can drink. You walk in on Mr. B with 4 or 5 girls in his dressing room and all of a sudden it's YOU saying 'Hey hey hey hey hey, what is going on here?'"
Sigh. Mr. Belding.
The Wall Street Journal -- When Google-ing himself, The Sports Guy delights in finding his named mentioned in The Wall Street Journal. And who can blame him? He's a real Wall Street mover and shaker.
Vote for the Worst.com -- Because it is my last day, you get a SECOND "Idol" link ... It was only a matter of time before anarchists took over the voting in order to stick it to The Man. I had just hoped it wouldn't be at the expense of my eyes and ears. Here you will find the answers to all of your, "What the ... ? Scott Savol was in the top THREE this week??" questions.
Yahoo! News -- You can't help but love an article that tells you exactly what you want to hear. It's best to overlook the part that identifies the campaign's sponsors as alcoholic beverage producers. This is NEWS. And the news never lies.
MSNBC.com -- One can't help but wonder how many children "beautiful" NBA players end up with in the long run.
ESPN.com -- My prediction: one more Piniella-Schilling exchange, and Fox is going to try to make a reality show out of their issues. And I definitely would watch it. (Not that Fox ever really made anything that I WOULD'T watch.)
ClickOnDetroit.com -- It's clear that NBA players are just used to having money thrown at them. The most shocking element of this story is that they were somehow able to find an ex-girlfriend willing to call this guy "stupid."
Courier-journal.com -- Quite honestly, I believe "if you aren't hurting yourself or others, you won't be arrested" is a fabulous mission statement for police nation-wide.
ABC.net.au -- I for one am having a good giggle at what it might say on Mr. Blackadder's business card. And if you're not giggling, then you are a better person than I am.
Philly.com -- Once you have been on "The Real World," there is no such thing as an "unprovoked attack." As Simmons said, the best part of this story has to be the fact that M.J. has an agent.
BostonDirtDogs.com -- Curt Schilling points out the "irony" of Joe Magrane calling him old and picking on him for running his mouth by, ironically, running his mouth.
Yahoo News -- This is funny because my roommate (Erin) and I are always saying that we should give tours of Washington based on our experiences. Except ours would go like this: "That's where Erin threw up ... That's where Erin peed outside ... We got kicked out of that bar ... Accidentally walked through a gang fight .. Threw up ... Peed ..."
SurvivingGrady.com -- Have you ever seen anyone's likeability factor plummet as quickly as Mr. Damon's? I let the wife-cheating slide, but I refuse to respect any man with stairs in his closet. He's coming OFF the bathroom wall!
USAToday.com -- Except for the conspicuous absence of "Paula the Stutterer" and "Paula the potentially under the influence," this article is pretty spot-on. Sadly, it left out my favorite Paula Abdul quote of all time: "You're like a pole vaulter ... you just keep POLE VAULTING!"
APComics.com -- Christmas has come early this year, kiddies! Or ... maybe ... 20 years late. I can't be sure.
SportingNews.com -- In a related story, Kevin Millar has been fitted for a set of magical wooden legs that promise to aid him in the long, arduous run to first base.
ESPN.com -- Fat baseball players put on crash diets and bite umps in the arm -- things your coach never taught you in little league ... Unless you went to little league in Fiji or with Mike Tyson or something.
MSNBC.com -- The definitive proof that money CAN buy everything, including supercool best friends for big ol' dorks.
Yahoo News -- If "everybody" loved me, I'd want to play sports with real athletes too. But I would've started with Terrell Buckley's tournament.
SignOnSanDiego.com -- In case you ever wondered how baseball players were so efficiently able to keep the vampires and boogeymen away, here you go.
NYPost.com -- In an attempt to find an online version of Michael Rapaport's Jane Magazine article trashing Natasha Lyonne (which I strongly suggest you pick up in hard copy this month, if only for the fact that Michael Rapaport wrote an article and you'll want to save that for your grandkids), I came across this paradigm of ridiculousness, which is arguably even BETTER than what I was looking for.
SFgate.com -- Because every Sports Guy reader needs another parallel between 90210 and The O.C. Though this is less about sideburns and more about music, so...I don't know if that makes it less girly or what.
NYTimes.com (subscription only) -- Do you realize this means that there are kids out there with driver's licenses who weren't even born yet when "The Simpsons" first premiered? Doesn't that just make you want to go jump of a bridge or buy a Ferrari or something?
4q.cc -- Combat boredom at work! Educate yourself! Dazzle your peers at cocktail parties! On the Vin Diesel Random Fact Generator, learn such vital "facts" as "Vin Diesel once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by calmly telling it what to do." (Click Refresh for a new gem.)
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