- If I were a member of the media (am I now?), my reaction to this would be a report that Robert Blake admits to having sex with elephants. I'd then feign confusion when he got mad. -- I think Madden has finally reached HDTV status, where it has somehow inexplicably surpassed the real thing. Don't you sometimes forget it's a video game, and instead think of it as an entirely parallel universe? Right, me neither.

MONDAY, 5/16 -- "Your honor, I'm just a boy with a dream. A dream of becoming the best dope-dealer this world has ever seen." -- I guess this trumps my "declaring for the NBA draft" joke from earlier. Best line is when his high school coach goes, "He was as good as anyone for two or three minutes." I think Dwyane Wade gave the "Gold" a better endorsement than that. -- That's right, here at the Daily Links we don't just ask questions, we answer them. -- Move over Stapp and Hasselhoff, there's a new sheriff in town, and his name is Steve Wallace. -- You know what we need in college football? Responsibility for actions, some real discipline, someone who will quit catering to every self-entitled whim of these spoiled brats. We need ... Judge Judy. -- "'Darth likes to load up on lots of carbs and lots of alcohol,' the Dark Lord said about five minutes into the race as he lifted his mask to pound a Jell-O shot laced with tequila." Greatest. Race. Ever.


MONDAY, 5/9 -- Thanks to Jason K. from Richmond for relaying the Blazers' hilarious attempt at holiday cheer. Is this for real? Did Zach bring those flowers from his home garden? I have so many questions. But wait, there's more ... World, I'd like to introduce you to Ha Seung-Jin. Ha, meet World. -- Courtesy of Scott S., who claims that this was made by the same guys that did the "We're getting the league back together" fantasy football commercials from a couple of years back. This is simultaneously the worst and greatest video I've ever seen. No small feat. (By the way, don't give up on this before Tony Parker's entrance)

TUESDAY, 5/10 -- Not that this is a novel thought, but it seems like the funnier the comic, the more dark and disturbed the person. I think that was Eddie Murphy's problem. I assume he has become quite comfortable with celebrity, and is probably a generally happy guy. Which is great for him, the only catch is that he stopped being the funniest man on the planet.

Knight -- Hilarious worship of all things David Hasselhoff. Which brings me to a very important question -- who is the lamest person alive today? If measured in regard to indignation aroused, the clear answer is Scott Stapp. But if lameness can be judged on a scale of conceding admiration, well then you've got to go with Hasselhoff. For example, when I saw Scott Stapp on Celebrity Poker Showdown, I remember thinking, "Man do I hate that Scott Stapp. He's so lame." But when you see video of Hasselhoff wearing the flashing-light jacket at the Berlin Wall, it's more of a "You've really outdone yourself this time, Hasselhoff. Well played."


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