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mtv.com (Mark D.) – Let's count the strikes against former American Idol contestant Corey Clark:

1. You went on American Idol
2. Judging from your picture, you come from the Justin Guarini school of ridiculous mop-hair, which makes me instantly hate you before knowing anything else about you
3. You kiss and tell with Paula Abdul
4. The law takes you down for a food fight

This guy's a winner.

dee-nee.com (Cameron from Tampa, FL) – Frighteningly comprehensive RBI Baseball site. Going through the player rankings (look for "rankings" on the left) brought back nostalgic memories of my early baseball card trading days. Like Glenn Davis, whose 1986 Topps card is ingrained in my memory as if it was my first kiss or something; I have no logical explanation for this.

theglobeandmail.com – Mother of spurned draft entrant Juan Mendez decides that publicly humiliating him should make things better. Can you imagine the degree of hazing he's got coming if he ends up on an NBA roster now?

"You know the rules, Juan. No coming to the club with us until you ask Mommy for permission. C'mon, put her on speaker phone."

nytimes.com (registration required) – Social studies teacher by day, professional wrestler by night forced to resign for not following procedure with sick days. Performing his patented lung blower on school principal reportedly had nothing to do with it.

nytimes.com – (Dillon S.; registration required) – Brooke Shields slams Cruise again. I link to this purely out of allegiance to Shields, who in her domination of Cruise has become my personal hero. In fact, let's play some word association:

If Brooke was ...

• Nolan Ryan, Cruise would be Robin Ventura
• Michael Jordan, Cruise would be Craig Ehlo
• Keyser Soze, Cruise would be the punished Hungarians
• Ike, Cruise would be Tina
• Barry Sanders, Cruise would be a solitary middle linebacker
• Chuck Norris, Cruise would be a generic bad guy

You get the point.


THURSDAY
eBay.com (John R.) – How can you put a price on this towel? When the aliens come to destroy Earth and rescue the chosen ones, this blue towel will be my ticket out of here. Just imagine that spaceship ride – Tommy Boy, Katie, Johnny T., Dharma, all the other Scientology wackos, and yours truly. Let the good times roll!

CNN.com – "Cinderella Man" is now offering a money-back guarantee, although refunds will be handled on a "case-by-case" basis. Can you imagine some of those cases?

Movie Patron: "I'm disappointed. Now give me my money back."
Manager: "You're lying."
Movie Patron: "How DARE you question my sincerity."
Manager: "You shadow-boxed all the way over here."
Movie Patron: (long pause) "You haven't seen the last of me ... "

detnews.com – There are a variety of ways that fathers and sons can bond: a day on the golf course, fishing trips, annual NBA Draft viewings, playing for the Mariners, randomly attacking first-base coaches, etc., etc. Thanks to the Hearns' though, we can now add "boxing on the same card" to that list.

Continued...


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