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shatnerhasbeen.com (Perry K.) -- Apparently the "Rocketman" clip was just the tip of the Shatner iceberg. I'm 100% serious when I say that I intend to buy this album. Shatner's hushed and overdramatic intros are simply remarkable, and tell me this isn't the greatest song opening of all-time (in the exaggerated Shatner whisper):

"He says, 'Phoenix ... Pegasus ... Grecian Urn.'" -- from "Together"

From here on out, anytime I find myself in an idiotic argument, I'll just calmly state that line, give a knowing stare, and then walk away. Dude won't know what hit him.

mcsweeneys.net (Ross from Chicago) -- I'm thinking about adding a weekly mcsweeneys.net link to the Tom Cruise Triple Platinum* Link HOF (right now it's just Tom and Shatner). In this gem, Morgan Freeman buys a Pop-A-Shot.

*My homage to Atlanta's own "2 Live Stews"

ESPN.com -- After giving us all quite a scare yesterday, Drew returns to Satan's throne and reestablishes order in the universe.

news.bbc.co.uk -- The Homeless World Cup proves the timeless adage, "Give a man a fish, and feed him for a day. Teach a man to coach soccer, and solve homelessness."

slate.com -- Reader Tim S. described comic Demetri Martin as "Mitch Hedberg 2.0 ... minus the drugs." I was skeptical, but this journal of his is flat-out hilarious (I was already sold after his "to-do list" rant in the opening paragraph). Over a year old, but worth checking out.


WEDNESDAY
I twisted my ankle yesterday, and actually groaned on my way from the bed to the desk this morning. A lesser man would have called in sick, but like a true champion, I decided to persevere. Consider this my flu game.

gprime.net -- Here's a hilarious and downright disturbing Japanese commercial featuring Ah-nold from back in the day. While watching it, constantly remind yourself that this man runs California.

espn.com -- Drew Rosenhaus gets one foot out of the Gates of Hell by saving a toddler from drowning. To balance things out, he then shook down a neighboring kindergarten class for their lunch money and set fire to Andy Reid's lawn.

yahoo.com -- Good to see that Simmons has some pull around ESPN after all ...

milkandcookies.com -- As a bunch of readers clued me in on, Stewie from "Family Guy" has a dead-on impression of the Shatner link from yesterday. We're talking Emmy material.

variety.com -- As if finding out that John O'Hurley (of J. Peterman fame) is getting his own reality show wasn't good enough, the article mentions that "[the] project will explore his everyday life, including his role as a partner in the real-life J. Peterman Co." (bankrate.com. Are you kidding me? This might rival the time I saw an incognito Hasselhoff stoically searching the ocean for distressed swimmers.


TUESDAY
espn.com -- Other than the obscene money, beautiful women, and MTV Rock N' Jock invites, nothing makes me wish I was a major celebrity more than the awards show gift bags. But what's amazing is that most of this stuff is probably pocket change for these people, either ignored entirely or absent-mindedly handed over to assistants. But if I got my hands on one of these, it would be all over -- pretending to give away items then yelling out "Psych!," putting my friends through elaborate obstacle courses with expensive gift certificates on the line, unique tips to the valet -- nothing would be out of bounds.

Continued...


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