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magicantonio.com (Eli C.) -- It's time to revisit Magic Antonio. In this segment, Antonio uses his advice column to demonstrate how he's not only a growing poker legend, but also quite the humanitarian!

Congratulations, Antonio, you just made the list. Meet your fellow list-members -- Scott Stapp, Nick Carter, Dr. Phil, and the evil woman who works at Smoothie King down the street.

Membership is permanent.

i-am-bored.com -- Here's the greatest airline complaint letter you will ever read -- The Legend of Seat 29E. It's the pictures that really push this over the top.

washtimes.com -- A seemingly schizophrenic Livan Hernandez vows to shut his season down one day, then is miraculously healed the next. Not finished, he then lashes out at a group of reporters, only to calmly explain the situation a few minutes later. To reflect this newfound crazy, Livan will alternate between fastballs and eephus pitches only in all future starts.

thenewstribune.com (Tony L.) -- After apparently deciding that his iced tea needed a kick, Koren Robinson shows up drunk to his one day DUI sentence. Hilarity ensues.

aol.nba.com -- As Simmons enthusiastically notes, "the 2005-06 Clippers Spirit has been chosen!" Some teams sign high-priced free agents this time of year; the Clippers release the names of their new dance team. To each their own.

chicagotribune.com -- Here's a solid update on the progress of Jay Williams. Also, I'm convinced that if Tim Grover became my personal trainer, I would evolve into 1980's Bo Jackson within approximately six weeks.


THURSDAY
shatnerhasbeen.com (Perry K.) -- Apparently the "Rocketman" clip was just the tip of the Shatner iceberg. I'm 100% serious when I say that I intend to buy this album. Shatner's hushed and overdramatic intros are simply remarkable, and tell me this isn't the greatest song opening of all-time (in the exaggerated Shatner whisper):

"He says, 'Phoenix ... Pegasus ... Grecian Urn.'" -- from "Together"

From here on out, anytime I find myself in an idiotic argument, I'll just calmly state that line, give a knowing stare, and then walk away. Dude won't know what hit him.

mcsweeneys.net (Ross from Chicago) -- I'm thinking about adding a weekly mcsweeneys.net link to the Tom Cruise Triple Platinum* Link HOF (right now it's just Tom and Shatner). In this gem, Morgan Freeman buys a Pop-A-Shot.

*My homage to Atlanta's own "2 Live Stews"

ESPN.com -- After giving us all quite a scare yesterday, Drew returns to Satan's throne and reestablishes order in the universe.

news.bbc.co.uk -- The Homeless World Cup proves the timeless adage, "Give a man a fish, and feed him for a day. Teach a man to coach soccer, and solve homelessness."

slate.com -- Reader Tim S. described comic Demetri Martin as "Mitch Hedberg 2.0 ... minus the drugs." I was skeptical, but this journal of his is flat-out hilarious (I was already sold after his "to-do list" rant in the opening paragraph). Over a year old, but worth checking out.


WEDNESDAY
I twisted my ankle yesterday, and actually groaned on my way from the bed to the desk this morning. A lesser man would have called in sick, but like a true champion, I decided to persevere. Consider this my flu game.

Continued...


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