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Four things I need to address from yesterday's intro:

1. Stretching -- thank you to all that wrote in to educate me on the merits of stretching. Honestly, this made my day. But the thing is, you don't know the history of stretching. I do. You're all ... glib. (Or maybe I was being sarcastic)

2. Gloves -- to show that I am a reasonable man, I will retract my stance on them (in response to some informative e-mails). Gloves are okay.

3. Workout journals -- although I understand the practical reasons for them, I remain inflexible on this one. I've tried, but I just can't get the Kobe image out of my head. Lame.

4. Yes, I can see the irony of writing a rather lame intro on the subject of lame workout habits. Maybe it was last-second drivel, maybe it was intentionally lame for symbolic reasons. You'll never know ... (Nick B., IN) -- "Why not immortalize your team by assembling all your fantasy players in one team photograph?"

This is like suggesting a beer helmet to an alcoholic. -- You may have already glanced at this ESPN article of athletes/celebrities recounting Little League memories, but did you take the time to scroll down to the bottom (first entry under "Learning to Fail") to read the three-paragraph John O'Hurley recollection? As Daniel D. in Studio City, CA points out, "It seems impossible to read this without the narrative voice in your head taking on that of J. Peterman recounting one of his many tales to Elaine." Which reminds me, remember that SNL skit where everyone's getting their favorite song permanently implanted in their heads? I'd sell everything for a device that cues in Peterman's voice every time I remember a story. -- Did you get the sense that Jessica Simpson's "Take My Breath Away" monstrosity got played just a little TOO much? Well here's why. Of course, doesn't crappy pop music dominate the airwaves already? This seems like bribing the refs to help the Globetrotters beat the Generals. (Benoy C.; note -- immediate sound) -- I'm pretty sure the old intern linked to this as well, but I see no harm in revisiting the spectacular. Other than apparently bringing John Candy back from the grave (first guy on cell phone), it doesn't get much better than LaVar Arrington's "deer in headlights" performance. I think Fred McGriff prepped him. -- Proof that this is the Braves' year. Incredibly, this guy also made "Elvis" toast. I'm sure that's just a coincidence. Also, in case you were concerned, "this toast gets along with everybody even cats and dogs." So there.

After laboring through my 27th restart of getting back into a workout routine, I feel qualified to write on the incredible lameness that occurs daily at any given gym. Without further ado, I present:

The Top Ten Lame Workout Habits:

10. Gloves -- God forbid you don't get just the right traction on that last pull-up.

9. Dramatically leaning on equipment while making small-talk -- quit posing and just cross your arms like the rest of us. You are not shooting a commercial.


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