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In what I hope becomes the first of many, I present:

Constructive Criticism of the Week

This one comes courtesy of David S.:

"I know you try hard, but you suck.

PS -- At least there is law school to fall back on, but the way you present your positions, I doubt you would be a very good lawyer."

Vicious, vicious stuff. Now, if you will kindly allow me to retort:

1. First of all, you're so wrong -- I don't try AT ALL. In fact, I don't even write The Links most days; I have a team of ghostwriters for that. Hell, I'm not even writing this.

2. I cannot improve if you don't point out where I went wrong. Teach me.

3. I'll have you know that I would make a GREAT lawyer. I was watching a "Law & Order" rerun just the other day, and I remember looking over at Ernie, Kenny, and Chuck (bobbleheads) and saying, "He's making a huge mistake putting her on the stand. Watch this, he's gonna lose." So what happens? Stupid DA puts crazy witness on the stand and loses. I had seen the episode before, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, I would have won that case.

That's all for now, David. Better luck next time.

Who else wants some? (Paul S.) -- Bored Simmons reader or marketing genius? You decide. (David D.) -- Knock yourself out with this tribute ABA site. But I link to this for one reason and one reason alone -- Larry Brown's digs. ( Even the McHale sweater would seem trendy next to that thing. -- They all said that it couldn't be done; no man could pull off such a feat; to try it would be crazy. Well, they were all wrong.

And so I give you ... Black Diamond. (Andrew P.) -- For anyone with some extra cash laying around and an intense desire to finish every workout by reenacting "Rocky," this one's for you. -- It doesn't get any better than Jack. Celebrities should take note -- this is how you do eccentric/crazy. Instead of condescendingly lecturing the world on matters you hardly know yourself, just unapologetically indulge your every whim and never look back ... like Jack. And now I will give my favorite Absurd Jack moment:

After the Lakers finished off the Pacers in 2000, I remember seeing Jack immediately walk over to Larry Bird to shake his hand and console him, as if Jack himself had been the opposing coach. Watching Bird continue to stare in confusion as an excited Jack ran off to go high-five everyone else was priceless. I'm not certain of this, but I honestly think he got to Bird before Phil did. There are maybe three people in the world with the audacity to pull that off. (Sharon T. in New York) -- First there was the Conan article. Next we saw The Power of Mr. T. Then came James Brown on a sugar rush. And now ... The Guttenberg.

Four things I need to address from yesterday's intro:

1. Stretching -- thank you to all that wrote in to educate me on the merits of stretching. Honestly, this made my day. But the thing is, you don't know the history of stretching. I do. You're all ... glib. (Or maybe I was being sarcastic)


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