ebay.com (Jason C. in Tulsa, OK) -- If I: (a) had twenty bucks to spare (far from it), (b) was the type of person who randomly gives out birthday presents, and (c) actually knew Simmons birthday, this would be my gift to him.
vikingmerchandise.com (Randy P. in Tempe, AZ) -- For $3,500, you can own the jersey that Randy Moss wore when he walked off the field against the Redskins last year. You could have so much fun with this. Not feeling a staff meeting? Throw on your Moss jersey and stroll out a few minutes early. Someone questions you? Point at the jersey and yell, "Straight cash, homey!" Don't even worry about making sense.
rogerebert.suntimes.com -- After reading his slam of "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo," I was intrigued enough to check out the remainder of Roger Ebert's most hated films. I did a slight double-take at "Joe Dirt" (stupid funny done right), but completely lost it when I read his review of "The Usual Suspects." For an encore, maybe Roger can hate on Thanksgiving-day football.
washingtonpost.com -- Deep down, we all knew "Walken in 2008" was a hoax, but that doesn't make the news of it any less disappointing.
usatoday.com -- USA Today's top fifty NFL player rankings. I would like to point out that Michael Vick is ranked thirty-freaking-one! When are people going to get it? With Vick out during most of 2003, the Falcons were 2-10. After his return, they went 15-7 and reached the NFC Championship. Apparently there are thirty other guys who are equally capable of speerheading such a turnaround.
palmbeachpost.com (Tim M.) -- Informative rundown of Ricky Williams' financial woes before returning to football. Think Richard Pryor in "Brewster's Millions," but with dreadlocks and an anxiety disorder.
newyorker.com (Nolan G.) -- The tale of a 19-year-old football guide author who watches more tape than Ron Jaworski and John Clayton combined. More importantly, "Though this marks his national debut, it's the ninth volume in a series that Benoit began in fourth grade, with his mom serving as typist." Chas Tenenbaum's got nothing on this kid.
rogerebert.suntimes.com -- Roger Ebert pulls no punches while savagely slamming Rob Schneider in "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo." Although the Pulitzer card is certainly well-played, it's the Jar-Jar Binks line that really seals it.
slam.canoe.ca (Andrew in N.J.) -- Great Q&A with Rowdy Roddy Piper and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. The story behind the infamous "coconut incident" is finally told ...
zap2it.com -- What's worse than producing a summer box-office disaster ("The Island")? Calling out the film's stars (Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson) in a desperate move to try and save face (including the asinine statement that "even lesser television actresses" would have had a better connection with the audience than Johansson did).
frusion.com (Jeff B.) -- In an alternate universe, I could have spent the entire morning researching an obscure legal issue. Instead, I just spent 45 minutes trying to outbox a bowl of oatmeal, a muffin, and a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich. I officially love my job.