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Page 2

So apparently Woody Paige mentioned the headshot on "Around the Horn" a couple days ago, and it subsequently sold for a cool thousand. As a result, I'd like to formally announce that I will be placing a signed headshot of myself on eBay later this afternoon. I've got a make-believe family to feed. (Russel K.) -- Isiah cuts in line at the DMV, then trades his social security number for a number 2 pencil. (Robb in Columbus, OH) -- Six plead guilty to counterfeit LiveStrong bracelet scam, supply answer for "What is the lowest thing you could possibly do for money?" (Reg in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada) -- School is allowing 5 F-bombs per class, but not one more, otherwise students "will be spoken to." Sort of like a nicotine patch for bad language, only a million times dumber. -- D-Wade gets interviewed on the set of NBA Live '06. To be honest, this is pretty boring, but it's a slooooow day, and I needed a legit sports link. -- Britney Spears once seduced a nation while wearing a python on her shoulders and claiming to be our personal love-slave. Now she's completely insane, knocked up by Doofus McShady, and assaulting the thirteen year-old rivals of her little sister. How the mighty have fallen.

Today I return to school. For those who are unfamiliar with the unbridled joy that is law school, I'd like to let you in on a little secret -- you were once there, and it was called "high school." Forget the workload, the general paranoia, or even the culture shock of class attendance mattering, the most searing impression that law school left upon me was the overarching déjà vu, right down to the personalized lockers, gossipy cliques, musical chair dating scene, and sack lunches. I spent my entire first year waiting to be informed that I was unknowingly taking part in a scientific bio-dome experiment (think MTV's "The 70's House," but more generic). With each year, you become increasingly removed from the high school throwback vibe, but it always exists in the undertones.

And now you know. I'm off to go paddle some first-years. (Garret in Vegas) -- I know he's big-time these days, but 1K for a Woody Paige autographed head shot? What am I missing here? For further proof that something strange is going on, check out the winning bidder -- thejaymariotti. -- Slash and Duff are finally suing Axl for unpaid royalties. I'm all about liberally applying Walton-esque hyperbole, but this time I truly mean it: Nobody has let me down over the years more than Axl Rose. Nobody. -- How can you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss? (Or just hit him in the leg) -- In preparation for his dance-off with Kelly Monaco, John O'Hurley has enlisted help from The Swayze. It's still not pull-ups over fire deep within the mountains of Siberia, but this will certainly do. -- An expose on the troubling nature of "the coach's son." This needed to be said for a long time.


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