bigmikewilliams.com (Brian S.) -- This is the "Big Mike Williams" website, allegedly done by the same guy that did the incredibly modest Pete Carroll one that Simmons linked to yesterday (petecarroll.com). My question is: How much does this guy charge? 'Cause I want my own. There would be shots of me playing pickup basketball, confidently making fantasy draft selections, doing sit-ups in some random person's driveway, and then proudly holding an American flag. This would, of course, all be set to James Brown's "Super Bad." And I've said too much again.
tsn.ca -- I think that these statements by Raptors GM Rob Babcock might actually be worse than the Rafael Araujo pick. I imagine he was wearing a brown paper bag over his head when he said this.
snltranscripts.jt.org -- Here's the transcript from the Mike Myers/Heather Locklear skit that Simmons also mentioned yesterday. Or, as reader Harris W. calls it, "The Kanye Prophecy."
calendarlive.com (Tom C. in Westlake Village, CA) -- Jose Canseco wants to be an action star, and apparently has a demo tape to prove it (I would sell my soul to see this). But that's just the opening act. The real story is Jose's new manager, who miraculously seems to be even crazier than Jose. Also, make sure to look for the completely random Steven Seagal/prison visit/mafia protection story in here. Great article.
compfused.com (Tom W.) -- I thought "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was my favorite film of the past two years. Then I saw "The Urban Ninja." If they know what's good for them, members of the Academy will recognize this short film for its comedic genius and visionary storytelling. Honestly, there is no praise that I can heap upon this that would be unwarranted.
(Note -- apparently this has been circulating for awhile, so I apologize if you've already seen it. Also, in my travels, I have encountered others who are somehow less impressed with this than I am. These people are fools.)
The Street -- Lenny Dykstra used to run around the diamond with reckless abandon and enough chewing tobacco to kill your average-sized elephant. Now he wants to sell you on Dow Chemical.
N.Y. Post(registration required) -- Stephon Marbury makes a gigantic hurricane relief donation and gets uncontrollably emotional about it. This one actually got to me.
Maxim -- And on the opposite end of the spectrum, The Bus tells us how to get down with the ladies. Personally, I'm partial to "You want to be clear about your intentions, without being overly aggressive." Words to live by, people.
Business Wire -- Details on Andre 3000's upcoming cartoon. First, I actually think this will be really good. Second, I'm ready to declare Andre as the funkiest man alive this side of James Brown and Bill Clinton (that's right, many think that George is the funkiest Clinton out there, but many are wrong).
Sportsline (Tom in KC) -- Thomas Jones apparently had some work done in the off-season.
Macon Telegraph -- Bronco Wesley Duke made the team despite having not played a down since high school. He reportedly wowed Shanahan during team sprints, blazing past receivers while bare-foot and in his pajamas.