Single page view By The Intern
Page 2 (Tim S.) -- I spend most Friday nights in the company of others, doing the usual things someone in their mid-20's does. Not this week, though. On Friday, October 7th, 2005, my apartment becomes a solitary sanctuary devoted to the most awesome action hero the world has ever known. There will be no visitors; no phone calls; no distractions. It will be just me, my Chuck Norris authentic martial arts robe, a homemade yellow belt, and four televisions set on A&E. This will undoubtedly be the greatest night of my life. -- Prison guard softball ringer gets busted, thrown in jail. Disheartened Rafael Palmeiro returns to the drawing board. -- Here's the plot summary: Melvin Ely gets robbed. Melvin goes to pawn shop and recovers stolen jewelry. Enter Melvin's robber. Robber sees Melvin, comes to screeching halt, makes like the Road Runner. Melvin refuses to give up strip clubs. Seriously. -- The NFL has pulled advertising of the upcoming sports betting movie, "Two for the Money," either because of the league's anti-gambling stance or repulsion over Al Pacino's left nipple. (Yashaar A.) -- If you watch "Laguna Beach," you know who this is. As you peruse the website (I suggest looking at her biography under "Contact") and slowly become violently ill, remember that we created the monster. Watching this show is almost like a night of heavy drinking: highly enjoyable until you wake up the next morning, slowly become aware of the repercussions, and suddenly need to vomit. Swear you'll never watch/drink again. Repeat.

TUESDAY (Mike in Boston) -- Carl Everett should run for office, if only because I want a candidate whose platform prominently involves dinosaurs. The debates alone would be priceless. (Jason in Houston) -- When keeping it real goes wrong ... (Riley D.) -- Nic Cage gave his newborn son Superman's original Kryptonian name, otherwise known as "Kal-el." I think we found Carl Everett's equally insane running mate. (Troy G.) -- Cool article on former GNR bassist Duff McKagan's pursuit of a financial degree. It's bizarre to read rational financial analysis from a man once notorious for public urination and a drug-addled exploding pancreas. The problem is he could be the next Warren Buffet and I'd still be more interested in asking him questions like, "Did Axl ever explain the kilt phase to you guys? What was the deal with that?" -- The appeal of the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" cameo. By the way, for anyone that saw the season opener and also happens to be Jewish, tell me the ticket scalping scene wasn't running through your head this morning. While walking into synagogue (it's Rosh Hashanah), all I could think was, "I wonder if I could get three figures for this ticket." (Charlie G. in Cincinnati) -- "May your first child be a masculine child ... "

I had a really strange moment yesterday. While attending my first Falcons game of the season (much thanks, Adam), I went to get some food early in the second quarter. I returned to my seat, got settled in, and was about to devour my hot dog, fries, and beer, when suddenly the unspeakable happened -- Superman stayed down on the turf. Like everyone else, I was initially catatonic with fear. However, after a minute or so, I slowly became aware of my surroundings again (and by surroundings, I mean "food"). This was one of those epic moral battles that we only face a few times in life. On one hand, eating while the Falcons' season hung in the balance seemed like an indefensible scenario straight out of "Curb Your Enthusiasm"; I kept waiting for the tubas to start in. On the other hand, I think this was the hungriest I have ever been in my entire life. Regrettably, I ate. Although I can now rationalize that my decision was okay because Vick appears to be all right, I will never feel completely right about this.


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