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Page 2 (Russell S. in Dalton, GA) -- I would like to apologize for yesterday's rambling last-second intro -- I'm pretty sure we're all a little bit dumber for having read that. With that said, at least one good thing came out of it -- a link to the Brian Austin Green on 99X interview. For someone who called in to promote his new show only to be condescendingly bombarded with questions on every possible topic BUT his show, I thought he was a remarkably good sport. -- Great tale of Roy Oswalt doing a back-pedaling, six-shooter touchdown run during a high-school football game. And when you think about it, there really is no comparison to the sublime cheesiness of the six-shooter celebration. It works for all occasions -- rounding the bases on a walk-off homer, taunting the opposing bench after a three-point dagger, bowling a turkey. I even like to do it after getting a girl's phone number. That's how you let her know you're money. (Travis in C-Town) -- Uncle Jessie's all over the place during this television interview, probably thanks to the dynamite pills Gibbler slipped him earlier. (Nathan R.) -- Although not quite to the level of calling Roger the antichrist, Keith Olbermann still probably won't be receiving the Clemens' holiday card this season. - Bio for former "Survivor" contestant Bobby Jon Drinkard, who was once voted Alabama's most eligible bachelor (probably in large part for his unmatched lifeguarding skills). Also, I'm almost certain that if I stare at that picture long enough, he'll eventually whisper, "Let me be your hero." -- Although this eventually devolves into a discussion on marketing ethics, let it be known: The Burger King mask can be bought ( -- actually, it's sold out at the moment) as a timely Halloween costume. Just know that wearing this mask automatically makes you creepier than Joe Simpson.

I think that I have serious commitment issues. But not in that way. I'm talking about my commitment to intros for The Links. For instance, just this morning, I debated the following options:

• The near-perfection of "True Romance" until it's ridiculously over-the-top ending ("There's one thing I never told you ... I HATE COPS!").

• My appreciation for Chuck Klosterman's logic on why he runs. To paraphrase from his most recent book, he runs everyday so that he can guiltlessly live an otherwise unhealthy lifestyle. I dig this line of thinking.

• My gigantic pet peeve with listening to announcers slowly figure out what actually happened on an extremely obvious play. It's like listening to someone start telling a painfully boring story that you've heard a million times but are helpless to stop said person from retelling.

• A hilarious 99X (local radio station) interview with Brian Austin Green that I recently heard.

But did I write about any of these? No, and that's because whenever I tried to settle on one topic, my thoughts would invariably wander to why another is better (I suffer from a paralyzing "grass is greener" complex). In fact, sometimes I think I'd be better off if I was just randomly assigned intros. If I was told to write 250 words on the durability of my desk, it would most likely be incredibly boring, but at least I'd retain my sanity, and you just can't put a price on stuff like that. So in case you ever wondered, these are the things you think about (or at least I do) when suddenly put in a situation where thousands of people actually read your inane thoughts. I'm still not quite used to it.


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