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Many thanks to the self-proclaimed "semi-rational Steelers fan" who wrote in yesterday telling me to: (a) go contract a certain venereal disease from a certain Falcons quarterback, and (b) listen to more Charlie Daniels.

Obviously, when I was ragging on mentally unstable fans, I was in no way addressing you. That would be ridiculous. (Dave B. in MO) -- Article on Duke sideline reporter and Krzyzewski pal Matthew Laurance. If that doesn't ring a bell, think of everyone's favorite philandering doctor ... one Mel Silver. (click on video) -- Bull leaps into stands during bullfight and attacks fans, leading to the following exchange:

David Stern: "My hands are tied. Suspend him for the rest of the season."

Stu Jackson: "Umm, I don't think this concer ... he was already stabbed to death by a matador."

David Stern: "Fine. Reduce it to three games and a small fine." (Jon in NYC) -- Man who caught Doug Flutie's dropkicked football compiles absurd list of demands for Patriots. This guy is no different than the delusional clown in your fantasy league who keeps offering you Mehmet Okur for Gilbert Arenas because "you need a center." I hate that guy. (Jon D.; SOUND) -- 9 year-old Ronnie Lott lays out opposing running back, explains it was payback for insulting trade offer during yesterday's snack. -- Remember the PA kid who was tormented for wearing an Elway jersey to class? Elway got wind of the story and sent him a signed Elway Home reclining massage chair. I love Elway, but the only thing creepier would have been a signed pair of underwear.

My MVP standings at the halfway mark:

10. Chris Paul -- It should probably be Garnett here, but this is my list and Paul deserves mention.

9. Gilbert Arenas -- Poor man's Kobe.

8. Tim Duncan -- Seems about right.

7. Elton Brand -- Should be higher, but this year's race is stacked.

6. LeBron James -- Change a few of his late-game performances and he's right at the top.

5. Chauncey Billups -- The de facto representative of the Pistons Starting Five.

4. Steve Nash -- Watching him shamelessly (and frequently) bring out the "old man at the Y, whirling left-handed circus layup" is indescribably awesome, almost as if he's channeling late '50s Bob Cousy. Plus, he's the best pg in basketball right now.

3. Dirk Nowitzki -- Hard to ignore the 7-foot German dude in the room.

2. Allen Iverson -- The most remarkable athlete in team sports.

1. Kobe Bryant -- He's the best player in the world, has never won before, has a team of scrubs on pace for the playoffs, and has people contemplating whether Wilt's century mark is no longer sacred. I think he's earned it. (Jeff A. in Gresham, OR) -- NBA officials shot down Nate McMillan's Super Bowl field trip request, citing league rules against salary cap circumvention. Much funnier if you picture Nate as Mr. Shoop from "Summer School" and the Blazers as the loveable group of rejects. (Brett M. in Charlotte, NC) -- The "It's still real to me, damn it!" guy responds. A brief excerpt:


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