Some would say that hosting your own farewell tour is kinda sad, if not altogether pathetic. Not me, though; I like to think of it as the mark of a self-made man.

That's why I'm throwing myself one of those "Kareem in '89" type sendoffs … only more illegal. Whether it's Kiper's draft board, the "PTI" mailbox, or even just old-fashioned looting of the Bristol offices, there's nothing I'm above stealing on my way out. The only real question is whether I can make it to Friday without getting arrested.

But amid the massive celebration, I've got to get serious for a moment and briefly thank the following people at the Worldwide Leader:

Simmons: I was at a job interview last week and had to try to explain why a second-year law student would suddenly masquerade as a wannabe sports columnist for a year. I said something like, "Basically, I got the chance to attend a once-in-a-lifetime fantasy camp." That's true, but the better answer is that I stumbled into something I plan on doing for the rest of my life, paid or unpaid, in one form or another, all because of this opportunity. I'm not sure how you even begin to thank someone for that.

Philbrick (SGW editor): No matter what -- whether it was the first few months when I would obsess over every word and bombard you with updated versions, mornings when I would write nonsense intros only to pull them a second later, or even that one time I got all uppity about the editing process (which still makes me cringe), you rolled with it like a wise sensei. Plus, having my Page 2 existence closely monitored by someone whose face I've never even seen was sort of "Truman Show"-esque, like having the voice of God come in via e-mail. So in addition to all the normal stuff, thanks for that.

Finally, I've got to give a quick thanks to Kieran Darcy for closing this past month, and to Bomani Jones for offering some sound advice and introducing me to "Eats."

All right, I think that covers that front. Onto the links …

yahoo.com (Kevin C.) -- Keyon Dooling breaks out of his glass case of emotion.

youtube.com (Alvi S.) -- Why do I link to Matt Bonner winning a high school dunk contest? Because it exists.

worstpreviews.com (SOUND) -- Trailer for "Snakes on a Plane," the brilliantly entitled upcoming film starring Samuel L. Jackson. Most likely the funniest thing you'll see all day.

boston.com -- Red Sox ace Josh Beckett accuses Phillies slugger Ryan Howard of pimping a fly ball. Howard takes exception, explaining that if he was going to "pimp it or whatever, [Beckett] would have known." Chest-thumping standoff ensues.

nydailynews.com -- Stephon wants to reunite with KG, but only in the Big Apple. KG is game, but insists he'll always "be 'Sota." Sadly, neither realizes he's putting up imaginary walls out of fear of long-term commitment.

SHOUT OUT:
Want to send a link?
Want to send a quote?
Want to write to the Sports Guy?