PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART V | PART VI | PART VII | PART VIII | PART IX | PART X | PART XI

Actual question heard during the media day brunch: "Umm … are those eggs?"

That's my plate right before I threw it out -- I probably had six bites total. People on "Fear Factor" wouldn't have eaten this food. It's always a good idea to eat BEFORE media day.

Hey, you know what's fun after you've had a horrible meal? Standing in the bowels of a football stadium in a herd of sportswriters for 30-35 minutes waiting to interview the AFC champion Indianapolis Colts. It's the perfect capper. Right around here, I started to get bitter and question the meaning of life … fortunately, I had someone to talk to about it (Will, the homicidal "Jimmy Kimmel Live" writer who just spent the last five days with the "American Idol" rejects).

I've been to four media days and have NEVER seen a throng like the one around Peyton Manning. It went 10-12 people deep at one point.

Did you ever notice how offensive linemen never know how to stand? It's like they're too big for their bodies; they can't find any semblance of balance. I stared at these guys for at least 45 seconds.

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Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN The Magazine. His book "Now I Can Die In Peace" is available in paperback.