Commentary

DJ Gallo's Varsity Tailgate, Week 11

Originally Published: November 13, 2009
By DJ Gallo | Page 2

Week 11 of the college football season is upon us. And it won't let us up. And now it just gouged me in the eyes.


    

Game of the Week

No. 16 Utah at No. 4 TCU -- 7:30 p.m. ET on CBS


The Horned Frogs have won 11 in a row. Their last loss? Utah. 2008. The Horned Frogs have won 12 in a row at home. Their last home loss? Utah. 2007. Better watch yourselves, Utah -- mess with the frog, get the horns. (Not that it's a big concern. I mean, it's a frog. You can just step on it. But wear shoes, lest the horns prick your foot!)


    

One More Game of the Week

No. 10 Iowa at No. 11 Ohio State -- 3:30 p.m. ET on ABC


The winner of this game will win the Big Ten and earn the first BCS bid of the season. That's kind of like being the first guest to show up to a lame party. Plus, it's the Big Ten. They're not even the hot girl who was invited.


Cupcake of the Week

South Dakota State: The FCS subdivision Jackrabbits travel to the Twin Cities to take on the Minnesota Golden Gophers this week. Here is footage of what that game will look like. (Yes, that was a rabbit. And I think a tablecloth is a fair comparison to Minnesota's defense.)


Cupcake Recipe of the Week

Presidential Cupcake Mosaic

South Dakota is home to Mount Rushmore, so this week we are making presidential cupcakes, like this. So you better get to the kitchen. The games are about to start and those 5,900 cupcakes aren't going to make themselves.


    

Rivalry Game of the Week

Idaho at No. 9 Boise State -- 3:30 p.m. ET on ESPNU


The Broncos have been struggling, and to stay alive for a BCS bid they need a convincing win to impress voters. That will be hard to come by this week because the 7-3 Idaho Vandals won't go down without a fight in a rivalry game. But more so because no one who votes in polls will be impressed by a victory over Idaho.


Heisman Candidate in the Crosshairs

Case Keenum, QB, Houston: Keenum plays Central Florida this week. Last week Colt McCoy put up this line against the Knights: 33-for-42, 470 yards, 2 TD, INT. If Keenum can do better, he can move up in the Heisman race. (And, UCF -- thanks for being the control in our little Heisman experiment! Maybe you can get course credit for it.)



Tim Tebow Fact of the Week


Tim Tebow has the most rushing touchdowns in SEC history with 52. Herschel Walker is next with 49. Also, if Tebow had multiple personalities like Walker, we would be considered a polytheistic society instead of a monotheistic society.



Mascot Fact of the Week


The TCU mascot was named Addy The All-American Frog until 1979 when it was renamed Super Frog. That same year, Jimmy Carter addressed the nation with his "malaise" speech. Clearly then, the TCU mascot was renamed because calling something that looks like this "All-American" was like a punch in the stomach to an already disheartened nation.



Tailgate Tip of the Week


Have some fun at Bobby Bowden's expense.

Friend: "Do you want a drink?"

You: "What day is it?"

Friend: "Saturday."

You: "Where am I?"

Friend: "At a tailgate."

You: "Then, yes. I will have a drink."



Quote of the Week


"So we're on the road. We're underdogs. We've got them right where we want them. That's the way I'm looking at it. So it's perfect."
-- Kirk Ferentz, Iowa head coach, on being 17-point underdogs to Ohio State.

This is why Kirk Ferentz is a Big Ten coach and not a Big Ten athletic director. Wanting to be underdogs? And on the road no less? It's impossible to set a nonconference schedule with an insane philosophy like that.



Stat of the Week


14, 4: Over its past four games, No. 2 Alabama has kicked 14 field goals while scoring only four offensive touchdowns. If "Forrest Gump" was remade in the present day, Forrest would be forced out of bounds on his kick return at the 5. And then Alabama would go nowhere on three plays and have to settle for a field goal.



Charlie Weis' Hot Seat Temperature


In flames: After losing at home to Navy (again), now Weis has to take his 6-3 team on the road to play 8-1 Pitt (8:00 p.m. ET, ABC). It may already be too late, but Weis needs a win to have any hope of keeping his job. His future at Notre Dame appears more tenuous than Dave Wannstedt's mustache.



Lane Kiffin NCAA Violation of the Week


None: There was, however, that bit of news about three Tennessee players' being involved in an armed robbery. But I don't want to focus on the negative. I'm a glass half-full guy. For example, if I was fired by the Raiders, I would think: "Yes! I no longer work for the Raiders!" I think Lane Kiffin is the same way. That's why you find a silver lining in this incident. (A) The players allegedly committed the crime while wearing Tennessee football apparel. Kiffin has clearly restored pride to the program. And (B) People who have money don't tend to commit robberies. So let's all stop with the suggestions that Kiffin is running a dirty program.


    

Worst Game of the Week

San Jose State at Utah State


The Spartans are 1-7. The Aggies are 2-7. But if you're interested, you can listen to or watch this game online. But I think doing so infects your computer with viruses. (And deservedly so. I mean, what were you thinking?)


Name of the Week: SEC kickers and punters

A few names of kickers and punters in the SEC: Leigh Tiffin. Dylan Breeding. Jordan Stowe. Blair Walsh. You've heard of the game Dead Or Canadian? In college football, you can play SEC Kicker Or Stripper?


    

Stone Cold Lock of the Week

Bobby Bowden feels it's time for him to assert his authority over the Samford program again.

DJ Gallo is the founder of and sole writer for the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He also is a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book, "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck," is on sale now.

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