Page 2 staff

What the heck were Air Force Academy officials thinking when they proposed a college basketball doubleheader that would be played on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier next November? (Air Force would play North Carolina, and Navy would play Michigan State.)

USS Constellation
"The ball went where? Hey, did anyone bring an extra ball?"

A. "We figure it's the Academy's only chance to beat the Tar Heels. Those 80-mile-per-hour winds on the flight deck should neutralize a little of Carolina's fast break."

B. "We also propose a temporary rule for the doubleheader, whereby any player preparing to dunk must turn to the ref and say, 'This is Maverick requesting a fly-by'."

C. "We just have to make sure everyone is careful about diving for loose balls. It's a long way down."

D. "Look, there's home-court advantage, and then there's 'We've got the full force of the American military pointed at your heads' home-court advantage."

E. "And then afterwards, we can all play a homo-erotic game of beach volleyball just like Maverick and Goose did in 'Top Gun'."

F. "Are you sure David Robinson isn't a real admiral?"