Page 2 staff

What the heck were Olympic organizers thinking when they scheduled the Opening Ceremonies for the 2004 Summer Games in Athens on Friday, the 13th of August?

The first 10,000 thousand ticket holders get a free hard hat.

A. "Friday the 13th, a massive torch being lit, hundreds of thousands of people, the threat of terrorism . . . what could possibly go wrong?"

B. "This way, if anything goes wrong, we can blame it on bad luck. As opposed to our rank incompetence."

C. "We also plan to have a black cat march in front of the athletes. His name is Mr. Whiskers. Say 'meow' to Mr. Whiskers, everybody. 'Meow,' Mr. Whiskers."

D. "We're taking MLB's lead here. We're also going to put logos for 'Friday the 13th, Part 11 -- Even Jason is Scared of the Athens Olympics' on all the starting blocks at the swimming venue."

E. "The Olympic stadium is constructed entirely out of old Yanni CDs, and you're worried about the date?"