Van Gogh's severed ear reveals all

Updated: May 6, 2009, 6:18 PM ET
Page 2

Upon further review, Vincent van Gogh might not have cut off his own ear, as was believed since the incident in 1888.

This stirring revelation is the first of many revealed by the notorious severed appendage of the famed Dutch artist. Like van Gogh's ear, myth and fact have blurred over the years. In an exclusive interview, the ear sets the record straight.


Myth: Georgia Tech defeats Cumberland 222-0 in the most lopsided college football game ever played.

The Ear says: The game was played under an experimental scoring system in which touchdowns were worth 110 points and extra points were worth one.


Myth: Notre Dame coach Knute Rockne delivers "Win one for the Gipper speech" at halftime to inspire his team.

The Ear says: Rockne forgot that he was actually supposed to deliver the speech to an auditorium packed with corporate tycoons paying top dollar for the privilege.


Myth: Dying from the disease that would take his name, Lou Gehrig proclaims himself "The luckiest man on the face of the Earth."

The Ear says: Gehrig added that he was lucky because his relationship with Greta Garbo was never revealed or that the media had never questioned the special medicine his cousin Yuri brought over from Germany.


Myth: Bobby Thomson hits the "Shot Heard Round the World" off Ralph Branca.

The Ear says: Despite what residents of the five boroughs believe, New York is not the entire world. Thomson's shot was only heard throughout parts of the tri-state area.


Myth: Quarterback Joe Namath guarantees to reporters that the Jets will win Super Bowl III.

The Ear says: Reporters actually mistakenly overheard Namath guaranteeing that he would finish this scotch on the rocks before talking to those lovely stewardesses at the other end of the pool.


Myth: Secretariat wins the Triple Crown, showing his superiority over the competition by winning the Belmont Stakes by 31 lengths.

The Ear says: None of the other horses at Belmont knew they were racing, as they were horses.


Myth: A record television audience tunes in to see Billie Jean King defeat Bobby Riggs in tennis because of gender issues.

The Ear says: Audience tunes in because cable television -- and with it, "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" -- has yet to be invented.


Myth: As he rounds the bases after hitting his 715th home run, Hank Aaron is joined by two young fans who congratulate him for topping Babe Ruth's career home run record.

The Ear says: The two young fans were early sabermetricians who congratulated Aaron for his 1.045 OPS the previous season.


Myth: Team USA defeats the Soviets 4-3 in the "Miracle on Ice."

The Ear says: The Soviets agreed to take a dive in exchange for blue jeans, toilet paper and the immediate deportation of Yakov Smirnoff.


Myth: Diego Maradona craftily scores a handball goal to lead Argentina over England in the World Cup.

The Ear says: Maradona inadvertently punches in a goal after mistaking the ball for an extra-large granule of cocaine.


Myth: Controversy ensues over reports that Roger Clemens asked out of Game 6 of the World Series due to a blister.

The Ear says: He actually got the blister while showing his new workout routine of dunking footballs to Dwight Gooden before the game.


Myth: Ben Johnson busted for doping after winning the 100 meters at the Olympics.

The Ear says: Johnson actually had inhaled illegal performance-enhancing drugs after watching the Tour de France that summer.


Myth: Michael Jordan switches hands during airborne layup just because he can.

The Ear says: Jordan switches hands to make good on golf debt.


Myth: Michigan's Desmond Howard taunts Ohio State players by performing the Heisman pose after scoring a touchdown.

The Ear says: Howard was frozen in fear with a paralyzing case of masklophobia after spotting Brutus Buckeye.


Myth: Coach K devises the perfect last-second in-bounds play with Grant Hill, who completed a full-court pass to Christian Laettner to defeat Kentucky in the NCAA tournament.

The Ear says: Believing the season to be over, Hill was using the final moment to show off his arm strength to Michigan football coaches.


Myth: Miami quarterback Gino Torretta wins the Heisman Trophy, then stumbles through a forgettable NFL career after being chosen in the seventh round of the draft.

The Ear says: Torretta wins the Heisman, then enters the witness protection program after turning state's evidence against former Hurricanes teammates.


Myth: Various professional athletes partake in sexual escapades at The Gold Club in Atlanta.

The Ear says: The Gold Club was, in fact, not a gentlemen's club, but actually a bridge club and gathering place for literary discussion.


Myth: Mike Tyson bites a chunk off of Evander Holyfield's ear.

The Ear says: Holyfield had actually lost the chunk in a fight with a Gauguin enthusiast the night before and had clumsily reattached it.


Myth: Yankees pitcher David Wells throws a perfect game despite being hungover.

The Ear says: Wells was actually just tired from preparing all night for a lecture on advanced biochemistry theory he was delivering at Columbia University after the game.


Myth: Oakland Raiders general partner Al Davis oversees a downward spiral marked by poor drafts, coaching turmoil and horrendous on-field performance.

The Ear says: Davis was abducted by the Dharma Initiative and was replaced by a synthetic clone manufactured by Dr. Ethan Rom.


Myth: Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett is suspended for filing a false police report regarding a car he borrowed from a local dealer.

The Ear says: Clarett actually is suspended for failing to use his perp walk as an opportunity to promote "The Car Store" as stated in his contract with the Ohio State athletic department.


Myth: Darren Daulton proclaims that the world will end at the conclusion of the Mayan calendar in 2012.

The Ear says: Daulton proclaims that the world will end with the conclusion of Brett Favre's football career in 2024.


Myth: Roger Clemens claims steroid use would cause a "third ear coming out of my forehead."

The Ear says: While admitting to also attending Jose Canseco's infamous pool party and being a "family friend" of singer Mindy McCready, the Ear is outraged by the claim.