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Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Updated: February 11, 5:33 PM ET
Movies right up Randy Moss' alley

By Laura Boswell
Special to Page 3

I have a confession to make. I may be a genteel, Southern woman who sips mint juleps, limits her cussing and goes to church every Sunday. But I have the sense of humor of a five-year-old boy. Whoopie cushions? Silly string? Dirty jokes? I'll laugh until milk shoots out of my nose. (Which is also pretty funny, now that I think about it).

Randy Moss
Here's Randy, in all his "glory."
Even so, when Randy Moss pretended to moon the fine folks at Lambeau Field, I was miffed for a moment. But then I had to laugh. I mean, just when we had finally gotten beyond Janet Jackson's "malfunction" here's a butt waggling around in our face.

But then I had to laugh. Was it tasteless and sophomoric? Definitely. Then again, Tony Dungy claims that Green Bay fans have done a fair share of mooning themselves to visiting team buses.

However you feel about what happened, think back on your childhood -- those days of wet willies and armpit farts and cootie shots -- and remember, mooning was originally intended for humor, not harm.

So, while Randy Moss is wondering how funny his fine is, his antics got me thinking about my favorite "potty humor" from the big screen and the boob tube (ha ha, I said "boob"):

"Dumb and Dumber"
OK, here's a synopsis for the two of you who may not have seen this Farelly Brothers classic. Two vaguely loveable losers -- Harry (Jeff Daniels) and Lloyd (Jim Carrey) -- drive cross-country to return a briefcase to Lloyd's dream woman, Mary Swanson, in Aspen, Colo.

Sillier scenes involve orange tuxedoes, airbags and a decapitated parakeet. The best, though, is when Harry gets a little too close to Mary, and a jealous Lloyd serves up a cup of revenge by dumping nuclear-level laxative into Harry's coffee. The result: Harry gets an unmistakable "urge" while at Mary's house. And, uses the guest bathroom which is, of course, broken. Harry's aerobic antics (and the ensuing noises) to keep his peril a secret will keep you in stitches. And make you think twice about ever eating beans again on or before a big date with a hot chick.

"There's Something About Mary"
And while we're on the subject of Farelly Brothers movies, how about Cameron Diaz's suddenly stiff bangs or Ben Stiller's zipper emergency in "Mary"? And of course, an appearance by Brett "Faarrvruh."

Randy Quaid
And you thought the Amish just raced buggies all the time.
"Kingpin"
OK, and one more. "Kingpin" is by far my favorite Farelly instance of immaturity. Woody Harrelson plays down and out former professional bowler Roy Munson. ("Former" because of a freak bowling lane hand fan accident that leaves him with a hook where his previous bowling digits once resided.)

Roy befriends Amish farm "boy" (and, conveniently, bowling prodigy) Ishmael Boorg (Randy Quaid) and convinces him to compete in a national bowling tournament. On the road trip from Dutch Country to Reno, Ishmael learns a few things about the "English" world -- for example, that urinals require standing and when you've never flossed your teeth before, you can really find some chunky treasures. Cameos by Bill Murray and ESPN's own Chris Berman round out a potty humor movie I give two toilet seats up.

"Chappelle's Show"
Any given episode of this Comedy Central sketch show from chameleonic comedian Dave Chappelle is sure to have a good dose of potty humor. Sometimes literally. Chappelle's skit last season of himself playing the first African-American to use a "whites only" toilet was not only hilarious (his church choir came and sang for him while he had his "sit-in") and satirically sharp -- it coined one of my now-favorite terms: "mud-butt."

"South Park"
It's hard to single out any one outrageous moment from South Park; the show has pushed more boundaries than an Eastern European dictatorship, and uses potty humor like Michelangelo used paint. Some of its previous subjects have included Helen Keller, fat camp and a love relationship between Satan and Saddam Hussein.

But perhaps its biggest leap was in taking the poo out of your toilet and putting it into your living room -- with Mr. Hanky, a talking piece of excrement. In a Santa hat no less.

I won't detail exactly how Mr. Hanky came to be, but he sings songs, greets everyone with a hardy "Howdy-ho!" and moralizes to the children of South Park (while leaving a, umm, "trail" wherever he goes. Hey, what's a poo supposed to do? He doesn't have legs!). Just seeing the South Park kids' googly-eyed devotion to him is worth tuning in. Unfortunately, South Park seems to have "eliminated" Mr. Hanky from recent seasons. Maybe if Cartman eats a good burrito that will change.

"American Pie"
Finch was a lot more comfortable in this scene.
Who could forget this fantastic "slice" of life for four teenage boys looking for love -- even if it's with a pastry. It also launched the career of pre-anorexic/fake boobs/party all the time Tara Reid, not to mention the phrase, "This one time ... at band camp ..."

While the eponymous pie scene may have gotten the most publicity, this movie is stuffed full of great potty humor moments -- Stiffler's Mom, the diarrhea-induced dash of public toilet-phobic Finch to (naturally) the girls room. And with all the cute couples, "American Pie" isn't just potty humor -- it's potty humor with a heart!

"Big Daddy"
I sincerely hope that Adam Sandler didn't do all those years of potty humor merely for the chance to film dramatic drivel like "Spanglish." It only takes one look at the fight scene with Bob Barker in "Happy Gilmore" to know Adam is the potty humor purveyor extraordinaire. But in "Big Daddy" he had an advantage -- a cute little kindergarten-aged partner in crime -- would-be adopted son Julian (a.k.a. "Frankenstein"). Together they pee on walls, trip rollerbladers, visit Hooters and spit (OK, I admit, I still can't watch that scene). But it is the only potty humor movie to ever make me cry ("I wipe my own a**! I wipe my own a**!"). And it features the tiny little love of my life, Jon Stewart.

"Old School"
OK, if you're a big fan of this film, put your earmuffs on.

Everybody ready? OK. Unlike pretty much every freaking guy on the planet, this movie just didn't do it for me. The plot meandered, the characters were too clich, and ... oops, sorry, traditional journalism training rearing its head there.

I think what freaked me out was seeing Andy Dick in drag -- for girls that's like you guys seeing Martha Stewart in a bikini.

However, "Old School" also featured super-hottie Luke Wilson, cinder blocks attached to private parts, cool cat Snoop Dogg, and of course, Frank the Tank's (Will Farrell's) solo street streaking. And it definitely made me feel better about my life post-college.

I know, I know, I'm leaving so many out. These are just a few from my personal entertainment library, and believe me I'd love to sit here and debate them.

But first let's see what Randy does next.

Laura Boswell covers sports and the city in and around Washington, DC. She can be reached at lauraeboswell@comcast.net.