By Laura Boswell
Special to Page 3
I have a confession to make. I may be a genteel, Southern woman who sips mint juleps, limits her cussing and goes to church every Sunday. But I have the sense of humor of a five-year-old boy. Whoopie cushions? Silly string? Dirty jokes? I'll laugh until milk shoots out of my nose. (Which is also pretty funny, now that I think about it).
Even so, when Randy Moss pretended to moon the fine folks at Lambeau Field, I was miffed for a moment. But then I had to laugh. I mean, just when we had finally gotten beyond Janet Jackson's "malfunction" here's a butt waggling around in our face.
But then I had to laugh. Was it tasteless and sophomoric? Definitely. Then again, Tony Dungy claims that Green Bay fans have done a fair share of mooning themselves to visiting team buses.
However you feel about what happened, think back on your childhood -- those days of wet willies and armpit farts and cootie shots -- and remember, mooning was originally intended for humor, not harm.
So, while Randy Moss is wondering how funny his fine is, his antics got me thinking about my favorite "potty humor" from the big screen and the boob tube (ha ha, I said "boob"):
"Dumb and Dumber"
Sillier scenes involve orange tuxedoes, airbags and a decapitated parakeet. The best, though, is when Harry gets a little too close to Mary, and a jealous Lloyd serves up a cup of revenge by dumping nuclear-level laxative into Harry's coffee. The result: Harry gets an unmistakable "urge" while at Mary's house. And, uses the guest bathroom which is, of course, broken. Harry's aerobic antics (and the ensuing noises) to keep his peril a secret will keep you in stitches. And make you think twice about ever eating beans again on or before a big date with a hot chick.
"There's Something About Mary"
OK, and one more. "Kingpin" is by far my favorite Farelly instance of immaturity. Woody Harrelson plays down and out former professional bowler Roy Munson. ("Former" because of a freak bowling lane hand fan accident that leaves him with a hook where his previous bowling digits once resided.)
Roy befriends Amish farm "boy" (and, conveniently, bowling prodigy) Ishmael Boorg (Randy Quaid) and convinces him to compete in a national bowling tournament. On the road trip from Dutch Country to Reno, Ishmael learns a few things about the "English" world -- for example, that urinals require standing and when you've never flossed your teeth before, you can really find some chunky treasures. Cameos by Bill Murray and ESPN's own Chris Berman round out a potty humor movie I give two toilet seats up.
But perhaps its biggest leap was in taking the poo out of your toilet and putting it into your living room -- with Mr. Hanky, a talking piece of excrement. In a Santa hat no less.
I won't detail exactly how Mr. Hanky came to be, but he sings songs, greets everyone with a hardy "Howdy-ho!" and moralizes to the children of South Park (while leaving a, umm, "trail" wherever he goes. Hey, what's a poo supposed to do? He doesn't have legs!). Just seeing the South Park kids' googly-eyed devotion to him is worth tuning in. Unfortunately, South Park seems to have "eliminated" Mr. Hanky from recent seasons. Maybe if Cartman eats a good burrito that will change.
While the eponymous pie scene may have gotten the most publicity, this movie is stuffed full of great potty humor moments -- Stiffler's Mom, the diarrhea-induced dash of public toilet-phobic Finch to (naturally) the girls room. And with all the cute couples, "American Pie" isn't just potty humor -- it's potty humor with a heart!
Everybody ready? OK. Unlike pretty much every freaking guy on the planet, this movie just didn't do it for me. The plot meandered, the characters were too cliché, and ... oops, sorry, traditional journalism training rearing its head there.
I think what freaked me out was seeing Andy Dick in drag -- for girls that's like you guys seeing Martha Stewart in a bikini.
However, "Old School" also featured super-hottie Luke Wilson, cinder blocks attached to private parts, cool cat Snoop Dogg, and of course, Frank the Tank's (Will Farrell's) solo street streaking. And it definitely made me feel better about my life post-college.
I know, I know, I'm leaving so many out. These are just a few from my personal entertainment library, and believe me I'd love to sit here and debate them.
But first let's see what Randy does next.
Laura Boswell covers sports and the city in and around Washington, DC. She can be reached at email@example.com.