Compiled by Page 3
"Things are not going nearly as well for Yasser Arafat as they are my uncle (Frank, whom Kimmel mentioned earlier for his birthday). Arafat finally died last night in Paris, but at least he got to see his beloved Red Sox win a World Series, right?" (Nov. 11)
Kimmel: "Crazy story from the NBA. A player for the Indiana Pacers, Ron Artest, the guy makes more than $6 million a year, was benched last night after he asked his coach for a month off in the middle of the season to promote his new rap album. And they punished him by suspending him for two games with pay, which makes a lot of sense because that's really what he asked for, I think, in the first place. Ron, though, he seems to realize he made a mistake and he explained himself to the media last night. (Shows clip of Artest) ..."
Artest: "Yeah, I think I've been doing a bit too much music and I needed some rest, but umm, not too much, you know, a little too much, though, but ... um, I'm still out, you know, I've still got an album coming out Nov. 23. And after the album comes out I'm gonna, uh, you know, make sure all my time is focused, you know, on winning a championship."
Kimmel: "All right, so after Nov. 23 he'll focus on ... until then he only gets $75,000 a game. The guy's just trying to raise some extra cash. He's got a mortgage and an Escalade to feed. So those 22-inch rims are not gonna triple chrome themselves, right? As a short-term replacement, though, the Pacers have signed M.C. Hammer to fill in for him." (Nov. 11)
"The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno
"Did you see (Yasser) Arafat's funeral on TV? What kind of funeral was that? People dressed up and shooting guns in the air. It looked like a tailgate party before a Raiders game." (Nov. 12)