"Late Show" with David Letterman

"The malls were packed. I went to the Gap. I want to tell you it was like a Pistons game with pants." (Nov. 29)

"Top 10 Signs Tom Brokaw Doesn't Give A Damn Anymore" ... No.1: "During exclusive interview, he sucker-punched Ron Artest." (Nov. 29)

"The only real downside to Thanksgiving is you eat so much food that there's barely room left for binge drinking. My house on Thanksgiving is like a Pistons game with pie." (Nov. 26)

"Top 10 Signs You Had A Lame Thanksgiving" ... No.1: "Just as you were sitting down to dinner, your family was beaten by Ron Artest." (Nov. 26)

"Late Night" with Conan O'Brien

"You all see the Thanksgiving Day parade? Wow, that was something (crowd cheers). ... Of course it was the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. And this year, this is true, one of the floats honored the NFL. Yeah, sadly, the NFL float was viciously attacked by the NBA float." (Nov. 26)

"The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno

"This was odd. I guess after Kobe (Bryant) stuffed the turkey, he bought his wife another ring." (Nov. 26)

"You know who I saw playing touch football yesterday? The Detroit Lions. Peyton Manning had six touchdown passes against the Lions, and he did it while eating a turkey leg." (Nov. 26)

"Here's an interesting sports fact. You know when you buy a beer at a Detroit Pistons game now they ask you, 'Is that for here or to throw?' " (Nov. 26)

"Hey, Kev, what do the Indiana Pacers say to Detroit fans? ... Hey, the drinks are on us. ... (Nov. 25)

"You know the only thing uglier than the Indiana Pacers going into the stands? The Chicago Bulls going onto the court. ... (Nov. 25)

"Hey, Kev, how do you prepare a turkey in Detroit? ... Pour a little beer over it and sprinkle it with popcorn. ... (Nov. 25)

"The great thing about Thanksgiving Day is all the big matchups. The Cowboys vs. the Bears at Texas Stadium, they were there. The Colts vs. the Lions at Ford Field. And of course, Michael Moore vs. Kirsty Alley at the Hometown Buffet. ..." (Nov. 25)

"Actually, we have a piece later that explores some of the myths of Thanksgiving, a very special show. Well, you know at the original Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the pilgrims gathered together, a lot of people don't know this, apparently then an Indian got hit with a beer, all hell broke loose and one of the pilgrims was suspended for a whole fortnight. ..." (Nov. 25)

"Well, here's an amazing story, a pod of dolphins -- did you know that's what a group of dolphins is called? -- a pod, a group of dolphins off the coast of New Zealand circled protectively around a group of swimmers to protect them from the sharks. They blocked the sharks. Isn't that amazing? Here's the amazing part: These dolphins know how to block better than the Miami Dolphins. ... (Nov. 25)

"Former Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams wants to come back to the team, coming back next season. He said he wants to end his career on a high note ... which I think was the problem. He ended on a high note ... well, anyway ..." (Nov. 25)