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Baseball -- as American as ... psychosocial dysfunction. Yes, some sick baseball freaks have tainted our fine pastime, splattering abnormalcy and deviancy all over our simon-pure Web. Take a look, if you dare.
Paranoia
people.ne.mediaone.net/gregorylynn/default.htm
Eighty-some years of losing has left the Fenway faithful flailing at injustice. Perceived and otherwise. Perfect example: Rasputin's Red Sox Media Watchdog Site, which dissects and disputes New England writers and an ESPN.commer or two. "All I can do," Rasputin laments, "is point out inaccuracies, inconsistencies and biases, and hope the powers that be take notice." Yeah, we notice. We notice the Red Sox are losers.
Obsession
exploratorium.edu/baseball
Everyone down spring training way talks about chemistry. But the Exploratorium, a sort of museum on the Web, talks about physics. As in, why does a curveball break? How can you use a hammer to find the sweet spot? A Shockwave game even lets you test your reaction time to see how you'd hack in the major leagues (hint: not well).
Gluttony
scooterattaboy.com
Somebody break up the stadium help! As if it's not enough that commercials hail the beerman, now comes
a (surprisingly aesthetic) site that pays tribute to vendors far and wide (and really wide). "Beauty is in the eye
of the beerholder," it proclaims. There's also props for "ushers, batboys, organists, groundskeepers, P.A. announcers and big-shot season ticket-holders." Check out The Vending News, pine for the lost stirrup if you must. But please, please don't leave Mr. Coldie in the sun.
Fetishes
oddball-mall.com/knuckleball
With knuckleballers nearing extinction, keeping their legend alive is all the more urgent. This site fights the good fight with profiles of almost everyone to ever toss a floater, and we're talking college and Negro Leaguers, too. And for those who don't want anyone to ever play catch with you again, there's a lesson on how to throw it.
SITE UNSEEN
A lifetime .264 average and 71 HRs, and your fan club shouldn't extend much beyond relatives. But sport a Clouseau-esque 'stache and a toddler's first name, and everyone wants a piece of you. How else to explain the dedicated Net following of ex-journeyman Dickie Thon? The DTFC -- "home to dues-paying members numbering in the tens" -- proudly houses a Thon shrine (toasting his "balls-to-the-walls style") and a Wall O' Shame that dregs up the most statistically inept ballplayers ever, including ex-Phillie Steve Jeltz, who actually platooned with the Thonmeister. But wait! This site flashes more than Thon-Th-Thon-Thon-Thon. There's baseball literature chosen by revered scholars "Birdbrain" and "Pure Bull." See, someone knows Dickie's place in history.
We sure don't.
This article appears in the April 2 issue of ESPN The Magazine.