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Friday, November 2, 2001
Calling all Red Sox fans

Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of The New York Yankees Fan Club. Due to an unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently processing only fan conversion revisitations for Boston Red Sox fans. Conversion requests for other teams will be accepted once all former Red Sox fan requests have been processed. We expect this to take a number of weeks based on the current number of requests.

Please take a few minutes and complete the conversion form below to help us get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover from your previous fan experience.

1. Please indicate the last time you watched the Red Sox win the World Series:

2. Please indicate your favorite moments in Red Sox history. (Check all that apply)

3. Reasons you believe the Red Sox have NOT won a World Series since 1918:

4. Have you experienced any of the following symptoms after another inevitable Red Sox collapse?

5. October is your favorite month of the year:

6. Are you tired of saying, "Wait Until Next Year"?

7. Are you ready to admit that:
a. Joe DiMaggio was better than Ted Williams:

b. Thurman Munson was better than Carlton Fisk:

c. Derek Jeter is better than Nomar Garciapara:

d. Don Zimmer is a managerial genius:

e. The Red Sox will be no better this century than last:

f. The "Green Monster" is ugly and stupid:

Once you have completed this form, please forward it to Yankee Stadium. Then burn all of your remaining Red Sox clothing, memorabilia, and associated reminders. After reviewing your request, the Yankee Fan Club will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection.
If accepted, you will receive:
  • A recommended recuperation program, including a recording of Frank Sinatra singing "New York, New York"

  • An opportunity to obtain tickets to the 2002 World Series at Yankee Stadium

  • An "I've Come to my Senses" Yankee T-shirt

  • Chuck Knoblaugh's new video, "Illusions: How to Almost Catch Balls and Tag Runners"

  • Posters of Boggs and Clemens in Yankee uniforms, complete with their championship rings

  • A dart board sporting a picture of Yaz

  • A copy of our ever popular handbook, "Harassing Red Sox Fans For Fun and Profit"

  • A coupon for a future poster of Pedro Martinez in a Yankee uniform

  • A one-year subscription to a weekly support group for ex-Red Sox fans in your area

    If Rejected, you will receive:

  • Our pity and condolences, plus a 25-second video capturing the past 100 years of Red Sox highlights in head-to-head competition against the Yankees.