Tuesday, December 11, 2001
Updated: January 15, 2:20 PM ET
The lamest line
By Kenny Mayne
Special to ESPN.com
If the track announcer's warning about "placing your wagers early to avoid
being shut out" doesn't resonate with you then you've never been the next to
last person in line to place a bet. On a horse who did win.
The guy in front of you is the one who appears to be trying to find a new
prime number with the teller. Math students would tell you that can take
years. And it seems you've been in line that long.
You glance to your left and then your right to see that every person who
once stood behind you has successfully played the event. They made the right
move on their line switch. You stayed put having invested so much time in a
line that now seems to have been painted. But you don't get to make your
investment in the race.
The man in front never does find his new prime number. But he walks away
with tickets punched. You dive toward the window, call out your bets as
quickly as possible, throw money in the direction of the teller. But it's
too late. The horses are gone, the machines are locked. You're angry with
the joker who kept you out of the game but you have a better place to invest
your emotions. Suddenly you change loyalties in the race
.
Now you want your horse to lose. There'd be some amount of pride
if your animal did come in but the costs associated with it are too hard to
bear.
Your horse wins, he's your only winner on the card. The guy who caused you
to miss the race is seen filling out federal income tax forms on his
trifecta.
You resolve to use automatic tellers. But those lines have delays caused by
people who appear to be downloading New York City phone books. You miss the
human interaction anyway. You go back to the lines with tellers. This time
you listen to the warning about placing wagers early. Except for those times
you arrive late, hoping
you were as skillful in your choice of lines as you were in your selection
of horses.
Of course this doesn't speak at all to the advice about checking tickets
carefully at the window.
Editor's note: In his next column, Kenny recalls an incorrectly punched
ticket and a hunch that was just as far off base.
