Wednesday, May 29, 2002
'Roid race
By by Alan Grant
Comedian Chris Rock said it best. While discussing the average person's ocassional lapse in judgement, he said, "It's not something I would ever do&but I understand."
That was my first thought when I read Sports Illustrated's "revelation" that 50 percent of baseball players use steroids. In fact, whenever the topic is performance-enhancing drugs, Chris Rock's high-pitched voice accompanies my thoughts: I never took steroids, but I totally understand why people do.
You wake up Sunday morning and you know right away, "I don't have it today." You stand up, your legs are dead, your reflexes aren't what they normally are, and although you just slept the same number of hours you normally do, you're groggy. But you can't feel this way, and you won't feel this way because, dammit, you're not supposed to feel this way. You're a professional athlete, and a few hours from now you'll be playing a game in which you need to perform. So you quickly dismiss the ugly truth from your mind and from that moment until kickoff, you lie to yourself: "I feel great and I'm ready to kick somebody's ass today!"
Then the game starts and you get your ass kicked instead. It's not because you didn't give it your best effort. You always do. You love playing this game and you get paid handsomely to do so. But effort doesn't count for s--- when the guy across from you is on his game and you aren't. (Sometimes, it's not just a few guys whose bodies betray them, but an entire roster. A couple of years ago, I gave a colleague my take on why the Buccaneers had just been blown out by the Raiders. He thought they were too good a team to get beat 45-0. I told him, the whole team is on the same schedule, so it stands to reason that on a given day, they can all play like dogs.)
I know what you're thinking. These guys make too much money to ever have bad days. Hell, they get paid like gods, so they should be gods, right? Trust me, every athlete wants to be more than human, and some even fool themselves into actually believing it. But I've said this a million times before and I'll keep saying it: There are times when that pesky nuisance called human limitation rears its ugly head and eclipses hunger, desire, and even the chance for revenge.
I know all the reasons people give for why athletes shouldn't take drugs. Purists say it's not fair. It's supposed to be a level playing field and there's no room for cheaters. And realists chime in with the horrible things it does to your body. They're absolutely right. Threats of liver and kidney failure were enough to keep me off the juice. And that whole testicle shrinkage thing? That all but sealed the deal. So I agree with those who say 'roids aren't good for you. But come on, let's keep it real. Football -- a game founded on violent collision -- ain't exactly the healthiest pursuit either.
Before we go any further, imagine this scenario: Choose the one guy in the building who could never beat you in a footrace. Tell that guy you'll give him $1,000 if he beats you. Oh, and invite the whole office to watch. I guarantee you that guy would put everything he's got into trying to beat you. A lot of cash, along with the threat of public embarassment, has a way of motivating people. That guy would run harder than he's ever run before. But he wouldn't beat you. He wasn't fast enough yesterday and he wouldn't be any faster tomorrow. Not if you gave him all the money in the world.
That guy may not go so far as to stick a syringe full of testosterone in his ass. But next time there's a "revelation" about an athlete who did ... he just might understand.
Alan Grant, a former NFL defensive back, writes football for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at alan.grant@espnmag.com.
