Thursday, May 30, 2002
Quite a one-timer
From the Page 2 mailbag
Is Tiger Woods filming "Slap Shot III" or "Happy Gilmore II"? Or is he just trying to give the rest of the PGA Tour a chance?
Page 2 couldn't figure out what El Tigre was up to, so we asked our readers to help explain what was happening in this week's Mystery Photo. Here are the best of the more than 800 responses we received.
Charles Barkley: "Those racist PGA commissioners are at it again. Now they're making Tiger use a hockey stick. What's a brother gonna do with a hockey stick?"
Rich
Trenton, N.J.
OK, fine! I'm tired of winning with regular golf clubs! I'll just beat everyone using this one hockey stick. After that, I'll use a rake. After that, maybe a pool cue. After that, Manute Bol!
Tom Pellegrino
Cincinnati
It seemed like the perfect fit at first -- Tiger needed a stronger caddy, and Eric Lindros needed work.
Rennie Friedman
Washington
... and a chill goes up the spine of every NHL goalie.
Danny Cook
Clarksville, Tenn.
Win all four majors? Done it. Score 50 goals a year? No problem. Fix the New York Rangers? That's too much even for me.
Ian Lozada
Lynbrook, N.Y.
"Just a Cinderella story, coming out of nowhere. Cinderella story, here at Augusta, second shot, 18th hole, 185 yards, looks like he has .... a KOHO! ... It's in the hole!"
Terry Doughty
Pittsburgh
And here we see Tiger Woods getting ready for his round of golf with Bob Barker.
Steve
Little Rock, Ark.
Tiger calling his shot in a $500,000 grudge match with David Duval: "Using a hockey stick, off the Lexus hubcap, banging the fire hydrant, over the Brooklyn Bridge, banking off a garbage truck into the hole."
Van
Atlanta
The New York Rangers announce yet another high-priced free-agent signing with questionable hockey skills.
Jason Beaulac
St. Albert, Alberta
Hey, Happy, somebody's clooooser ...
Brian
Illinois
To stay in the playoffs, the Red Wings recruit Patrick Roy's worst nightmare -- a 300-yard slap shot with a little fade.
Eric
New York
"Dang. Pulled it."
Antone Sanchez
Houston
... unfortunately, Tiger's amazing 800-yard hole-in-one was disallowed because of icing ...
Eric Roe
St. Paul, Minn.
Wayne Gretzky ... ain't ... got ... nothin' ... on ... me.
Peter
Eugene, Ore.
"... so there I was hitting the golf ball with the hockey stick, and Mickelson is telling me he just won his first major, when I woke up."
E.J. Obando
Arlington, Va.
"That's it, Fluff, you're fired!"
Grant
Davis, Calif.
Tiger Woods introduces the new Nike Back & Butt Scratcher (TM). Available in fine men's stores or wherever Preparation H is sold.
Keith
Houston
Colin Montgomerie immediately complained that Tiger had an unfair advantage, and then blamed the Canadian fans for encouraging such "uncouth" behavior.
Dan
Washington, D.C.
We all wonder: "Does Casey Martin get to use a Zamboni?"
Mike Casazza
Morgantown, W.Va.
Somewhere, Tiger's drinking buddy, Keith Tkachuk, is skating up ice with a 3 wood.
Mike Y.
Phoenix
FORE-sberg!!!
Rodney Suchland
Columbus, Ohio
Tiger's switch to Nike irons goes horribly wrong.
Mike
Weston Mass.
"Now I gotta find Bob Barker, so I can tell him 'The Price is Wrong, Bitch!' "
Clayton Chan
Irvine, Calif.
"... and then the Lama said to me, 'Unga Galunga Gagunga ... at least I got that goin' for me."
Doug Buckler
Philadelphia
Too busy to check references, Tiger Woods pays the price by hiring Ian Woosnam's old caddie.
Mike
This is what happens when your girlfriend's Swedish.
Ed Egee
Alexandria, Va.
As a sign that his best days are clearly behind him, Ed Belfour gives up a goal to Tiger Woods from 310 yards away.
Brett
Dallas
Tiger makes good on his bet that if he doesn't win his fourth straight Memorial, he'll spank himself with a hockey stick in front of 20 lucky contest winners.
Dean Marino
Portland, Ore.
Tiger Woods prepares for his first tournament since Vince McMahon purchased the PGA tour.
Don Pasda
Whitehall, Pa.
Tiger Woods wins a bet with Fuzzy Zoeller by beating him in a round of golf using nothing but a hockey stick, umbrella, and spatula.
Chris George
Washington, D.C.
"Jack's course, Jack's tournament, he deserves a chance."
Mike B.
Lexington, Ky.
As further proof of The Sports Guy's theory that women ruin everything, Elin Nordegren has apparently convinced Tiger to give up golf in favor of a game closer to her gorgeous, Scandinavian heart.
Blake Townsley
Chicago
Adam Sandler wanted too much money, so they hired a virtual unknown in the world of comedy to star in "Happy Gilmore II."
Jack
Kent, Ohio
And here is the real caption from Reuters: Golfer Tiger Woods uses a hockey stick to hit a golf ball during a promotional stop May 27 in Toronto. Woods is promoting a new American Express credit card that bears his likeness. American Express intends to donate $1 of the new cards yearly subscriptions fees to the "Tiger Woods Foundation" to help benefit Canadian youth. REUTERS/Andrew Wallace
