Friday, June 7, 2002
Demystifying Iron Mike
By by Tim Keown
By now it's obvious that Mike Tyson isn't going anywhere. He's the cockroach of American sports, here for the long run, here to stay. The only dispute is how we plan on handling it.
The public's fascination with the man has been examined and re-examined by the media, to the point of utter exhaustion. There's always someone saying or typing, "Just what can explain the fascination, and what will it take for it to end?" There's always got to be a greater cosmic meaning to stuff we don't understand, even when the answer is simple.
Who knows what this man will do? It's only $54.95 to find out.
The public remains fascinated by Tyson because he's one of the last unpredictable athletes. In a corporate-driven world of endorsements and happy talk, where nobody wants to insult anyone for fear of damaging their earning power, Tyson is different. In his case, the unpredictability is crazed unpredictability, so even better.
Forget all the high-minded talk of Tyson being a guilty pleasure or a deep sociological study. The man's whack, and we all enjoy that on occasion.
But if you despise Tyson and all he stands for, you should want him to defeat Lennox Lewis on Saturday night in Memphis. Sounds crazy, I know, but despising Tyson is the best reason to root for him. The man is much more compelling and fascinating as a loser than as a winner. He's more unpredictable as a loser, more marketable, more of a threat.
If he wins, then what? He has to defend his title? Does Lewis want another shot, after pocketing close to $20 million off this sham?
Put Tyson up front, as the champion, and he'll get bored. He's only fascinating if he's lurking in the shadows, attempting to drum up attention for himself from the back row.
So go Mike. Tear his heart out, or whatever it is you want to do to him.
It's what you deserve. It's what boxing deserves. And with any luck, it'll be what we deserve.
This Week's ListDo this at-home experiment to get the full effect of what Hasim Rahman's head looked like after one of Evander Holyfield's patented headbutts: Place a large marshmallow in the microwave; heat on high for 30 seconds.
I'm sure he's the most honest guy in the world, but I'd still check the ball after every single pitch: John Burkett (7-0).
Mike Piazza update: Still not gay.
One reason we missed Steve "Snapper" Jones this week: He didn't get a chance to enlighten us with statements such as, "It's time to make a decisive decision."
As an amateur witness at the NBA pre-draft camp in Chicago, here are four guys who stood out: 1) Lee Benson, F, Brown Mackie Junior College; 2) Cordell Henry, PG, Marquette; 3) Sean Kennedy, PG, Marist; 4) Ryan Humphrey, F, Notre Dame.
One guy who must be thinking about politics: Rick Fox.
One guy who's not: Tom Tolbert.
The untold story of the Kings-Lakers series: Three Lakers called for a fair catch on Peja Stojakovic's airball three late in Game 7.
Just for the heck of it: Phil Roof.
You know there's a guy in marketing who finally got up the guts to go into the Big Boss's office and say, "Sir, I'm sure you've heard a lot about juice in the big leagues over the last few weeks, so&": Minute Maid Park, Houston.
A World Cup sight we hope doesn't find its way onto our shores: David Beckham's modified mohawk.
One thing that is bound to be proven by the end of the NBA Finals: Nobody does total, complete and thorough disgust quite like Bill Walton.
Speaking of which: If we have to watch another week of Kenyon Martin tossing up 22-footers with no defender within 12 feet of him, we'll be pining for the days of a Knicks-Rockets Finals.
In Sacramento, their "letter" consisted of a full-throated howl on talk radio and an upraised middle finger: Ralph Nader and the League of Fans sent a letter to David Stern attempting to convince the commissioner to review the refereeing during Game 6 of the Western Conference finals.
In related news, the Grizzlies' Jason Williams says a few more behind-the-back passes and his former team would have beaten the Lakers in the Western Conference finals: Ex-Cubs Matt Stairs and Eric Young say part of the reason their former team is playing so poorly is because it lacks the enthusiasm the Brewers have.
In case the standings aren't handy: Brewers 22-37; Cubs 23-35.
A transcript of the FBI wiretap on Bud Selig: "Contraction! Contraction! Contraction! Need I say it again? Contraction!"
And finally, a renewal of the cherished rivalry: Houston at Oakland.
