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Monday, September 30, 2002
Updated: October 2, 4:49 PM ET
It's called the Todd Bertuzzi

By by Eric Adelson


Let's face the music: most places, rink tunes are about as dynamic as Kerry Fraser's hair. Not in Vancouver. Out in B.C., a Canucks original season ticket holder named Heavy Eric Holmquist has penned and performed several songs about his beloved Canucks. Sadly, two of the Elvis lookalike's favorite subjects -- Pavel Bure ("Bure! Bure!") and Geno Odjick ("Geno! Geno!") have left the building. But Heavy Eric ain't no one-hit wonder. His best ditty yet has hit radio stations all over the province. Now we bring it to your desktop. Introducing: "It's Called the Todd Bertuzzi." Click the video link at right and sing along!

Todd Bertuzzi
Play that funky music white boy!
He's spinning all around, gettin' everybody woozy.
He's 245, it looks like the Watusi.
Here he comes, he's got the moves of Lenarduzzi.
I said, Uh Uh, it's called the Todd Bertuzzi!
44!
It's called the Todd Bertuzzi.

Now Tommy Larscheid calls him "Babe,"
Or "Raging Bull" is another fave.
And Markus Naslund sets him up.
This junkyard dog ain't no pup.

Here he comes!
He's got the moves of Lenarduzzi.
He's spinning all around, getting everybody woozy.
He's 245, it looks like the Watusi.
I said, Uh Uh, it's called the Todd Bertuzzi.
44!
It's called the Todd Bertuzzi.
44!
He calls the goalie Suzy.

He's Super Bert!
He's Number One!
His highlight goals are so much fun!
He gets the Clapper out of his seat, dancing to the beat!

Here he comes!

He's got the moves of Lenarduzzi.
He's spinning all around getting everybody woozy.
He's 245, it looks like the Watusi.
I said, Uh Uh, it's called the Todd Bertuzzi.
44!
It's called the Todd Bertuzzi.
44!
He calls the goalie Suzy.
44!
He's making everybody woozy.

Heavy Eric took a few minutes off from strumming to answer a few questions.

Why are you known as Heavy Eric?

I used to be a lumberjack. I actually won seven Canadian championships in lumberjacking. You know, log rolling, axe-throwing and the choker race. I still axe-throw at the odd show. I also used to be a mailman. Anyway, I retired and gained a bunch of weight.

Who is Lenarduzzi? Does Todd Bertuzzi really have moves like him?

Let's just say the rhyme fits. Lenarduzzi is a Vancouver Whitecaps soccer player. They won the North American Soccer League championship one year. Lenarduzzi has a lot of moves.

Do you wear that Elvis gear to the games?

No. I wear jeans and a jean jacket. No one notices me. But I do Elvis. I've got a couple CDs coming out where I'm dressed in that gear. Those are coming out when I can finance them.

In the video, you're out in the woods somewhere. How do you plug in your electric guitar?

The Canucks sent somebody out to film the video at my cabin in Coquitlam. It does have electricity.

Can you do the Watusi?

If I have a couple beers.

Have you ever met Todd Bertuzzi?

Never met Todd. He phoned me. He left a message saying his kids are playing the song 'round the clock. I did meet Trent Klatt, though. I might write a song about him. Let's see how his season goes.

Klatt's a cinch. How about rhyming Hlavac?

Uh, I'll have to get back to you.

Eric Adelson is a staff writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at eric.adelson@espnmag.com.