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Wednesday, November 6, 2002
We've got mail ... and a birthday

Page 2 staff

In celebration of Page 2 turning 2 years old today, we've received congratulatory e-mails from around the sports world, and -- as you can imagine -- many of our prominent regulars showed their love for "The Page."


Patrick Ewing
To: Page 2
Subject: Getting older
Cc: Michael Jordan

I got a guarantee for you: I better see something called "The Sports Guy Theory" in the next couple of months.


Anna Kournikova
OK, Anna, here you go.
Anna Kournikova
To: Page 2
Subject: Your birthday and ME!
Cc: Enrique Iglesias

Page 2 never wins anything either, but everybody is sending their congratulations. Life is not fair. I need a hug ... or at least another gratuitous photo of me.

It's been months, fellas!


Dusty Baker
To: Page 2
Subject: Tears of joy
Cc: Darren Baker

Don't cry, Murph. Instead, follow me to the Cubs to learn the true meaning of suffering fandom.


Jesse Ventura
To: Page 2
Subject: A vote for you
Cc: Katherine Harris

While I have a couple of weeks left in office, I'd love to replace that partisan TMQ with someone from my Independent Party. Hold on, I've got Vince McMahon on the other line about the X-treme Politics League.


Kobe Bryant
Glad we could help, Kobe.
Kobe Bryant
To: Page 2
Subject: You've got my attention
Cc: Tex Winter

Rosen dishes about me and all of a sudden I'm Mr. Triple-Double. Got any more to say, Charley? Please?


Tyrone Willingham
To: Page 2
Subject: Green with envy
Cc: Gerry Faust

Uh, is there any chance that "green alternate jerseys" will be on this week's "Hot List"?


Tiger Woods
Hey, there's no Elin photo here.
Tiger Woods
To: Page 2
Subject: Cease and desist
Cc: IMG

Dear sirs:
Will you please discontinue running unauthorized photographs of my friend Elin Nordegren in stories about me, or I will be forced to take legal action.


Yao Ming
To: Page 2
Subject: Lost in the translation
Cc: The Chinese basketball federation

I have not seen my name mocked in many weeks. How do you say, "Just give me the damn ball, Moochie" in Mandarin?


Britney Spears
Britney, we're trying to get TMQ to write shorter.
Britney Spears
To: Page 2
Subject: Justify this!
Cc: Barbara Walters

What do Page 2's TMQ and Justin have in common? They're both too short -- NOT!


Kyle Turley
To: Page 2
Subject: Angry
Cc: Damien Robinson

Turley mad at Page 2. ... Turley smash Page 2!


Shawn Kemp
To: Page 2
Subject: Very cute
Cc: Bob Whitsitt

I remember when some of my kids turned 2. It's a cute age.


Randy Moss
We didn't know you cared, Randy.
Randy Moss
To: Page 2
Subject: I feel like saying, "Happy Birthday"
Cc: Daunte Culpepper

OK, when do I get to see the thoughts in R-Dub's head?


Road Dog
To: Randy Moss
Subject: RE: I feel like saying, "Happy Birthday"
Cc: Ralph Wiley

When, fool? When you start playing every down like you mean it.


John Rocker
To: Page 2
Subject: You guys suck
Cc: Andy Rooney

I hate Page 2. Bunch of freaks and geeks and never-played-the-gamers. Has anyone seen my career?


Vin Baker
Save a piece of cake for The Sports Guy.
Vin Baker
To: Page 2
Subject: Birthday cake
Cc: Shawn Kemp

Nice job. When do we eat?


Bobby Valentine
To: Page 2
Subject: This is all off the record!
Cc: The New York Post

Congrats on the anniversary. I heard there's an opening for Page 2 manager. You've seen what I can do with overpaid head-cases and malcontents.


Bob Knight
We have no plans to visit West Texas.
Bob Knight
To: Page 2
Subject: I have zero tolerance for you
Cc: John Feinstein

Are you #%$#$%# serious?!! Those $@$%$^#@$% have lasted two years! Just wait until "Page 2 Goes to Lubbock"!


Barry Bonds
To: Page 2
Subject:
Cc:

No comment.


Allen Iverson
We never liked practice, either, AI.
Allen Iverson
To: Page 2
Subject: The MVP of this league
Cc: Jadakiss

We talkin' 'bout Page 2, man? Page 2? Not a game ... not a game, but Page 2?


Terrell Owens
We've always admired a Sharp(ie) move.
Terrell Owens
To: Page 2
Subject: Can't spell Happy Birthday without an "i"
Cc: Shawn Springs, Sean Salisbury, Steve Mariucci, my agent, my financial planner, my personal assistant ...

Oh, wait. I thought Page 2 was sending me some kind of note of appreciation. Well, here's my autograph anyway.


J-Lo
To: Page 2
Subject: My fantasy
Cc: Ben Affleck

I run a fashion, perfume, movie and music empire. And, yet, I remain unsatisfied until Page 2 explains to me why my Michael Pittman fantasy-football pick remains so unproductive.


Marie-Renie LeGougne
To: Page 2
Subject: You're on thin ice
Cc: Elena Berezhnaya, Anton Sikharulidz

I give Page 2 a 6.0! But only if you give good marks to the French teams.


Danny Almonte
We swear we're only 2 years old.
Danny Almonte
To: Page 2
Subject: Growing older
Cc: Rafael Furcal

Turning 2 is a special time in anyone's life. When I was 2, my father made me hide my driver's license.


Shaquille O'Neal
If Shaq's waiting outside, we'll just stay in.
Shaquille O'Neal
To: Page 2
Subject: Queens
Cc: Vlade Divac

Where can I access that Sports Guy column on the "Doug Christie jersey" again?