ESPN.com - The List: Biggest turkeys of the year

ESPN.com: Page 2

Monday, November 25, 2002
Updated: November 24, 1:04 PM ET
The List: Biggest turkeys of the year

Page 2 staff

This week, Page 2 posts its list of the top 10 turkeys of the year. As you start peeling potatoes, and girding up the gizzards, think about all the folks in the sports world who managed to make gobblers of themselves this year ... and were rightfully roasted for it!

Check out our top 10 turkeys while yours is defrosting. Then, be sure to vote in the poll on the right to crown the biggest bird of them all.


	Putting your father in a freezer is definitely fowl play.

1. John Henry Williams
John Henry, signed at 33 to play for the Red Sox Gulf Coast League team, said his goal was to lead the league in hitting. Well, close. He announced the end of his "career" in August, after going 0-for-6. He provides all the evidence we need that there's no great benefit in preserving his father's genetic material. He can't hit, and he can't think. The wrong guy was frozen, turkey.

2. U.S. Men's Nightmare Team
Reggie Miller, Paul Pierce, Antonio Davis and "coach" George Karl ran the U.S. record in international play while using NBA players up to 58-0 in the World Championships in Indianapolis, then lost to Argentina, Yugoslavia and Spain. Sixth place in the world. That wasn't a team, it was a travesty. Next question: Will the U.S. squad qualify for the 2004 Olympics?

3. Bud Selig
Maybe the All-Star Game fiasco wasn't his fault. Maybe he really wasn't talking about the Twins and Expos. Maybe his ballclub isn't the worst in MLB. Maybe all the billionaire baseball owners are in dire straits. Yeah, right. We hope Bud will, in the future, take this advice from the great physicist, Niels Bohr: "Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think."


	Randy Moss leaves many a drivers ed instructor rolling over in his gravy.

4. Randy Moss
"I don't know if trouble is out to find me,'' Moss said after his most recent run-in with the law. "But I'm certainly not out to find trouble.'' Doesn't look like you can find too many W's, either, Randy.

5. Marie-Reine Le Gougne and Didier Gailhaguet
Who would have thought that figure skating would go downhill after the Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan spectacle?

The ISU banned the French figure skating judge and French skating chief for three years, because they caused the pairs fiasco in Salt Lake. Three years? If they're guilty of a fix, shouldn't they be banned for life?

6. The New York Mets
Author/entrepreneur Ken Hakuta could have been talking of the Mets when he said, "Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle." GM Steve Phillips opened the corporate checkbook and provided the pricey ingredients: Jeromy Burnitz, Mo Vaughn, Roberto Alomar, Roger Cedeno & Co. Many of them are, to put it delicately, overripe. Bobby Valentine mixes them together, and voila! Met fans are still retching.

7. Mike Tyson
He told ESPN's Max Kellerman, "I'm the biggest fighter in the history of the sport." This in the same year he created multiple disgusting spectacles and suffered a humiliating loss to Lennox Lewis. Want to talk history, Mike? This quote from a long, disgusting episode in American history seems apt when directed at you: "At long last, have you left no sense of decency?"


	We'd stuff the Ligue tag-team turkey with thug dressing and trashy trimmings.

8. William Ligue Jr. and Michael Ligue
Can fans get a lifetime ban from baseball? If so, these are the No. 1 candidates. Their attack on Kansas City coach Tom Gamboa at Comiskey Park in late September was -- how can we put it? -- totally in character, at least for 34-year-old William. No stranger to prison, he had served time for burglary and domestic battery. "He embarrassed himself and the city of Chicago," Mayor Daley said of Ligue. "This is a disgrace to sports fans." Daley was wrong, though -- those two losers weren't sports fans, they were thugs who happened to be in a stadium.

9. Ruben Rivera
The 28-year-old called it a "mistake." He called it a "rookie's error." We call stealing Derek Jeter's bat and glove, and selling them for $2,500, um, theft.

10. Mike Hampton
Think Coors Field is the problem? Think again. Hampton, who earned $8.5 million in 2002 (and has tens of millions more coming), finished the season 7-15 with a 6.15 ERA. His ERA at Coors? 5.68. Away? Even worse -- 6.44. He was bad during day games, and bad at night. He was bad in domes, and bad in fresh air. He was bad on grass, and bad on turf. He was bad before the All-Star break, and bad after. Here's what the Braves should do: Convert him to full-time pinch hitter. Hampton, in 515 career at bats, has a .254 average with 10 HR and 52 RBI.

Also receiving votes:

Matt Doherty and the North Carolina men's basketball team

New York Knicks

Tom Hicks

Dallas Cowboys

Jeff Loria

Bob Knight