ESPN.com - Playoff Mojo

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Friday, January 3, 2003
Playoff Mojo

By By David Fleming

I knew this whole concept of NFL Mojo was catching on when even the hopelessly square Jags QB Mark Brunell used the term "mojo" in a sentence. The next night I heard Mark Schlereth use the same term on ESPN. Heck, even Terry Bradshaw seemed to understand the concept. And at the beginning of our chat, the Falcons' silver-haired QB coach Jack Burns leaned forward in his seat and said, "We're talking about the ability to perform and stay cool and calm under the most intense circumstances. Not, uh, Austin Powers, right?"


	Rich better whip up some fresh mojo if he wants to go to San Diego.

So now that the concept has found a comfortable place in the lexicon of the game, there's only one thing left to do: Wring all the cleverness out of the idea by extending the movie metaphor well beyond its correct capacity in a follow-up column that measures NFL playoff Mojo.

Cue the canned Dr. Evil laugh.

A few of these, though, are rather easy.

Dr. Evil? The Raiders, of course, led by Al Davis and Mr. Grayder himself, NFL MVP Rich Gannon.

Fat Bastard? Well, that could be me, my lard-ass Lab, Scoop (who now barks to come inside in order to go to the bathroom), or the NFL's best coach, Philly front man Andy Reid.

No. 2? That's gotta be the Packers, who played up to their character name in the season finale.

30 Second Column

Thirty seconds from Steve McNair on Super Bowl hype.

"You tell yourself to stay calm and not get over anxious but at some point during the week you stop and think, 'The whole world is gonna be watching.' You can't help it. I mean, from the U.S. to China, the whole world is actually watching. You can't block that out. So you find yourself doing stuff you wouldn't normally do because of the hype and excitement surrounding the game. It just builds up so much fire in your system that by the time you go out in the pregame you stop for a second and go, 'My god I'm tired.'"

The Flem Five

Top Five Worst Christmas Presents I Received:
5. Umbrella.

4. Fully padded, regulation-sized NHL pants. (I asked for rollerhockey pants.)

3. Wire brush to clean car tires.

2. A Dirt Devil.

1. Pet stain removing wipes.

WHYLO of the Week

In the spirit of the season all of my emails from Cowboys fans following my rendition of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas were filled with warm thoughts and good cheer. Yeah, right.

As FlemFile regular Jason Malo asks, "Where do we send hate mail to Clement C. Moore?" Mike Auger put it best when he said, "I think I speak for the Cowboy nation when I say&YOU DICK!!!!" Phillip writes, "Jerry just can't win with a-holes like you. People like you make me sick." John Wright writes, "Funny for now, laugh and sneer, Dallas will have the last laugh, wait 'til next year." Robert Daniels adds a new twist with the WHYWAP award, "Yo Flem keep up the good work but it needs to be said -- Who Helped You Write a Poem." Jeff Liwacz writes, "I think I will wipe my ass with the Dallas story."

And finally Don says, "Today was the first time I read your column and I have to say your attempted Night Before Christmas' parody sucks. When you parodize a classic, meter matters."

Yes Don, and when you include words that don't actually exists in your hate emails, well, you win WHYLO of the Week.

Flem Gems

Houston Thought No. 1: This will date me a bit but when I finally saw the massive, gleaming, Reliant Stadium Saturday night it felt like I was looking at the Death Star for the first time. Which is appropriate since the Texans offense has all the alacrity of 11 stormtroopers. & Oh please let Bruce Smith come back and get the three sacks he needs to surpass the righteous Rev., Reggie White. &

One of my all-time favorite holiday treats has been watching a repeat of Saturday Night Live's NPR skit about Shweddy Balls. & HTN2: The cowboy dude who sung the national anthem in Houston kept his hat on during the song. & The Packers and Eagles tied for the best holiday cards. & HTN3: Players complain all the time that fans and media don't know the game. Then they turn around and forget to vote Titans QB Steve McNair, a legit MVP candidate, to the Pro Bowl for the second year in a row. Usually the Pro Bowl is like the Oscars, you don't get it the first time you really deserve it but you also get a few more of the awards long after you've earned it. & I'm re-reading Ball Four, a classic work that only seems to get better. & HTN4: After a good no call on pass interference in the end zone a fan tossed a yellow flag onto the field. Classic. & HTN5: Bud Adams on whether or not his team's trip back to Houston was an emotional day, "Well, if I hadn't opened that wine bottle in the third quarter, yeah it would have been (emotional). But, you know, wine kinda soothes and smoothes everything." Good lord. ... HTN6: Instead of talking about McNair Titans LB Keith Bulluck and I spent most of our time scouring the locker room floor for the back to one of his bagel-sized earrings. Bullock's secret culinary weapon? Rasberry Tootsie Pops. & This column was written while listening to Audioslave, The Cure and Elvis Costello.

Remember how Mustafa got dumped out of his chair and into the burning death chamber but refused to die? Okay, that's the Cleveland Browns. Or is that Pittsburgh's Tommy Maddox? Hey, either way it beats getting tagged the Ivana Humpalot of the playoffs.

No one ever pays any attention to Scott Evil until it's too late, just like the Tennessee Titans. I lunched with Titans QB Steve McNair last week. Numerous injuries -- the guy is a walking version of the game Operation -- have kept McNair out of practice since Nov. 22. Yet more than any team, Tennessee reminds me of the Patriots and the Ravens, in the way they seem to be hot at the right time. Which is more than I can say for the toasted turkey sandwich McNair was eating.

Mini-Me? Again, could be me, or Bucs coach Jon Gruden, who said, "[Mojo] is a special, magical thing, something we would definitely like to be associated with if you know what I mean."

Goldmember? I'm not touching that one.

But I will say Michael Vick, Captain Mojo himself, has had the golden touch more than any other player this season. "Once Mike gets his mojo working you can't stop him," says Falcons wideout Shawn Jefferson. "It's like the game goes in slow motion while he's still playing at full speed. Boom-boom-boom down the field he goes. Unstoppable. It's like the defense knows where the ball is going and they still can't stop him."

When it comes to overall Playoff Mojo, though, the New York Jets are the Austin Powers of the NFL. Heck, wonderboy QB Chad Pennington, he of the eye-popping 68.9 completion percentage, even has the mop top to match.

When Jets coach Herm Edwards felt New York's season slipping away, he decided to bench veteran QB Vinny Testaverde in favor of the untested Pennington. Edwards knew the third-year passer had a weaker arm and far less understanding of the Jets' offensive system. Yet at 39 Vinny had become a guy who thought mojo was a request for more coffee.

Pennington, on the other hand, is a caldron of cocksure energy. "It's a gut feeling," Edwards explained at the time. "We need to get some adrenaline going with Chad." The Jets are 8-3 since their mojo mindmeld.

And since they share the same house as the Jets and are 35 years their senior, and pretty much have the same kinda post-season mojo flowing, that would make the New York Giants, uh, Nigel Powers, right?

Sir Nigel has a four-game winning streak heading into the playoffs. And when you combine Jim Fassel's play-calling with San Fran's 22nd-ranked pass defense, I put the 49ers (2-4 against winning teams) below even Basil Exposition in my PMRby (Playoff Mojo Ranking baby & yeah).

By the way, the 49ers and Giants play on the Fox (xy Cleopatra) network. (Someone stop me & please.)

"You can't chart it or attach a stat to it, but this time of year mojo level is everything," said Burns at the tail end of our conversation on Vick. "When someone steals your mojo it's not a good thing at all. I mean, look at what happened to Austin Powers."

We shook hands, and as Burns quickly shuffled off down the hall to a team meeting I thanked him for joining in on the fun and wished him luck in what is sure to be one of the wildest mojo-flowin' post-seasons in recent memory.

"Gaaa-rooooooovy baby&," was all I heard in reply.

David Fleming is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at FlemFile@carolina.rr.com. But watch out -- you could be the WHYLO of the Week.