ESPN.com - Dontrelle vs. Pedro in All-Snub Game

ESPN.com: Page 2

Monday, July 7, 2003
Updated: July 9, 9:39 AM ET
Dontrelle vs. Pedro in All-Snub Game

By Dan Shanoff
Page 2 columnist

In its usual wisdom, MLB neglected to ensure that its hottest commodity -- Marlins thrill-ride Dontrelle Willis -- made the National League All-Star roster. Then MLB compounded its problem by not putting Willis on its "32nd player" fan ballot (hitters only are listed, rather than "best players available"), where the Florida sensation would have been elected to play in a landslide.

MLB's loss, Page 2's gain: Happily poaching Willis as an exclusive headliner on our marquee, Page 2 can put together an All-Snub Game that would draw a larger audience than the real thing.


	It's easy to get pumped about rookie lefty Dontrelle Willis.

Here's how it would work:

Venue
They've got: Comiskey Park (oh, wait, sorry, that's U.S. Cellular Field ... what a tradition.)

Our game: Wrigley Field (Open date that night, naturally, and a lot more fun than that plastic dump on the South Side.)

Starting pitchers
They've got: Jamie Moyer vs. Kevin Brown. (But if we're lucky, maybe we'll see household name Esteban Loiaza vs. Russ "There But For the Grace of Dusty" Ortiz)

Our game: Pedro Martinez vs. Dontrelle Willis. Or Roger Clemens vs. Dontrelle Willis. Or Roger and Pedro alternating batters vs. Dontrelle Willis. (Bottom line: MLB has the All-Stars who may have earned it; we have the pitchers who even Bud Selig would pay to see.)

Managers
They've got: Mike Scioscia, Dusty Baker.

Our game: Don Zimmer, Lee Elia. (Now we just have to find a reporter to ask Elia what he thinks of Cubs fans ...)

First Pitch
They've got: Some old player the kids can't relate to.


	We'll go head-to-head and play our game in Wrigley Field.

Our game: Charlie's Angels. And Demi Moore. (That's Jorge Posada calling right now to swap games. And Jason Varitek's on the other line, asking us to help him get his name off the MLB "32nd" player ballot so he can catch that.

AL starting lineup
They've got: RF Ichiro Suzuki; SS Alex Rodriguez; LF Manny Ramirez; 1B Carlos Delgado; DH Edgar Martinez; 3B Troy Glaus; OF Hideki Matsui; 2B Alfonso Soriano; C Jorge Posada (The only real difference between these guys and our guys are just a couple million Internet votes.)

Our game: 2B Derek Jeter; CF Rocco Baldelli; 1B Jason Giambi; DH Frank Thomas; RF Magglio Ordonez; LF Juan Gonzalez; C Jason Varitek; SS Miguel Tejada; 3B Corey Koskie (Among other compelling reasons, people will tune in to see the novelty of Derek Jeter playing second base.)

NL starting lineup
They've got: SS Edgar Renteria; 1B Todd Helton; OF Barry Bonds; OF Albert Pujols; OF Gary Sheffield; DH Luis Gonzalez; 3B Scott Rolen; C Javy Lopez; 2B Marcus Giles (That 8-9-1 sure puts a scare ... into the Tigers maybe.)

Our game: CF Lance Berkman; LF Brian Giles; RF Sammy Sosa; 1B Jim Thome; DH Chipper Jones; C Ivan Rodriguez; 2B Jeff Kent; SS Alex Gonzalez (Marlins); 3B Aramis Ramirez. (In other words, our team's got more name recognition.)

Roster rules
They've got: Armando Benitez. (The Mets had to have somebody.)

Our game: No Mets whatsoever. (And no Tigers, Brewers or Padres while we're at it.)

Anthem singers
They've got: Vanessa Carlton will sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" and Michael Buble will sing the Canadian anthem.

Our game: We'll take Beyonce for the National Anthem and hometown rocker Liz Phair to sing "O Canada." With Bernie Williams backing up on guitar.

Must-watch at-bat
They've got: Besides Bonds, no one who gives you chills. (Unless you get fired up by Marcus Giles.)

Our game: Two words -- Sammy Sosa. Sure, the fans rightfully bumped him for Pujols, but that doesn't mean he still isn't a bigger curiosity when he hits than the entire AL All-Star roster combined.

Rookie outfielder
They've got: Hideki Matsui. Boring. And how old is he?

Our game: Rocco Baldelli. Most exciting young outfielder in baseball in years.

Pinch-hitters
They've got: Guys like Dmitri Young and Rondell White.

Our game: "Celebrate 500!" with lifetime home-run studs Fred McGriff (488) and Raffy Palmeiro (510) getting some much-deserved love. (If he's healthy, Ken Griffey can play too.)

Reserves
They've got: Too many guys. Most All-Star reserves will get the "honor" of a pinch-hit at-bat, a fielding chance or maybe a situational handful of pitches. Thanks for playing.


	Who do you want pitching with the game on the line? The All-Stars have Armando Benitez, but we'll have Mariano Rivera.

Our game: Here's a novel idea -- we'll actually let our guys play for a while. But if we need help in a pinch, who's more exciting than David Eckstein? Meanwhile, after Pedro and Rocket, the AL squad can turn to Mike Mussina, Gil Meche and Rivera; if Willis gets shelled (unlikely!), there's Hideo Nomo, Matt Morris and Octavio Dotel.

Closing Extra-Inning Game With World Series Home-field Advantage on the Line
They've got: Pirates RP Mike Williams. (The "pride" of Pittsburgh with his 6.29 ERA).

Our game: Yankees RP Mariano Rivera (who didn't get used up on a situational batter back in the 7th)

The swoon factor
They've got: Domesticated Alex Rodriguez.

Our game: Dandy Derek Jeter. (Which player would you rather hit the club with? Exactly.)

7th-inning stretch "God Bless American" singer
They've got: Probably the Dixie Chicks.

Our game: Norah Jones, accompanying herself on a piano. Classic.

Honorary captains
They've got: Gary Carter (NL); Luis Aparicio (AL).

Our game: Pete Rose (NL); Greg Luzinski (AL).

Fan participation
They've got: Fans vote for game MVP.

Our game: Fans vote on in-game strategy.

Pregame exhibitions
They've got: Home Run Derby (scandal-tainted); the "Futures" Game (who-knows-who-cares minor leaguers).

Our game: Hapless "no-Futures" Tigers pitchers Adam Bernero and Nate Cornejo throwing BP to Sammy Sosa, Jim Thome, Ken Griffey Jr. and Jason Giambi with bats as corked as they want them. (With uncorked bats, we'll even spot the Bonds-less (you know he won't compete) lightweight realAll-Stars 10 dingers, if they wanna start the smack-talk.)

Celebrity softball-game participants
They've got: Dean Cain, Ian Ziering.

Our game: Jennie Finch. Game over.

Slogan/stakes
They've got: "This Time It Counts." Winning side gets home-field advantage in World Series

Our game: "Losing Side Buys at Cubbie Bear Across the Street." Need we say more?