Thursday, July 31, 2003
Things found in Maurice's car
By Ted Kluck Special to Page 2
Ohio State sensation Maurice Clarett had thousands of dollars worth of cash, CDs, stereo equipment and TVs stolen from the car he was driving back in April. While the car is now registered to The Car Store, the NCAA is investigating the incident for possible improprieties.
The police report, however, failed to list the following undicslosed items which were found inside the vehicle:
1. Marcus Dupree
He can run, but can he slip this incident past the NCAA?
The newly minted Washington Redskins scout was found in the backseat of
Clarett's vehicle, making use of the sophisticated audio/visual equipment.
Said Dupree: "This stuff is really nice, great for film study ... and besides,
I see Maurice's career taking the same arc as mine ... I can relate to him."
2. Prescription antacids and headache medication
Prescribed to Jim Tressel -- the sweater-vest wearing coach with the clean
image -- these pills will get him through the next two seasons of
controversy, investigation and intrigue with his star RB. The pills are
refillable through Clarett's junior season, after which he will turn pro.
3. Several textbooks still encased in plastic
Apparently a gift from former Ohio State star Andy Katzenmoyer. "I was helping Maurice study for his Golf final," said the Big Kat. "This
is an institution of higher learning and as an alumnus I will help in
whatever way I can. I know from experience that it's important that Maurice
at least pretend to go to class once in a while." Once a Buckeye, always a
Buckeye.
4. The NCAA
Found hiding underneath some 300 compact discs, adjacent to the whirlpool and kitty corner from the large plasma screen television, the NCAA has decided
to set up permanent residence in Clarett's vehicle stating: "This way we can
keep an eye on him at all times ... plus the women are better looking in
here."
5. Damon Stoudamire and Rasheed Wallace
Who knew they were such big college football fans?
6. A little black book with Jennifer Lopez's cell phone number
Archie Griffin is the only two-time winner (1974-75) of the Heisman Trophy.
Apparently, as Clarett's fame and wallet grow, so do his chances of marrying the pop
star/actress. Look for this story to break in another couple of years.
7. Team schedules for the Saskatchewan Rough Riders, Toronto Argonauts and Winnepeg Blue
Bombers
These CFL franchises will all be vying for Clarett's services should he
make too many enemies with the NCAA. Clarett could soon be
receiving handoffs from Eric Crouch.
8. The guy from the Best Buy commercials
"Like playing with stuff?" he said. "Can I interest you in a DVD/VCR/TV
combo, or perhaps the new Jay-Z album? Or perhaps you would like to browse
our DVD collection ... in the backseat, take a left at the ashtray ... if you
get to the Portland Trail Blazers you've gone too far."
9. Archie Griffin's legacy
Still firmly intact.
