Thursday, March 25, 2004
On her own terms
By Bill Finley
Special to ESPN.com
P.J. Cooksey is 46 years old, has ridden in the Kentucky Derby, has won riding titles and 2,136 races, all reasons why she can say she has nothing left to prove. She's battled back from breast cancer in 2001 only to wind up sprawled across the track last April at Keeneland with two broken legs, the result of a three-horse spill. And retirement was never a serious option.
This is not about the sad spectacle of an athlete hanging on too long. It is about someone refusing to let some bad luck take away something they cherish. P.J. Cooksey will quit some day, but will do it on her own terms.
"I hated to think that when I grew old and was sitting in my rocking chair looking at all my accomplishments that I'd have to say my last ride ended with me laying on the track at Keeneland with two broken legs," said Cooksey, the second winningest female rider in history behind Julie Krone. "I just didn't have it out of my system yet."
Which is why Cooksey was back at Turfway Park Friday night to ride a 10-1 shot named Religious, who would finish last in a five-horse field in her comeback ride. That's why she was at Churchill Downs Wednesday morning galloping horses and that's why she'll be at some track every morning, working hard and showing trainers she means business.
"I want one last hurrah," she said. "I want to go out in the winner's circle at Churchill Downs or Keeneland."
She's not necessarily being heroic and neither is she being particularly foolish. She's just doing what she wants to do, which is to continue to enjoy something that is a tremendous passion of her's and has provided innumerable thrills. It's the same with all jockeys. More so than any other athlete, they don't want to let go of something they will tell you is indescribably special. So Cooksey sees this as just another challenge.
She came around before Julie Krone started changing attitudes about female riders. But she was scrappy enough to convince people to give her a chance and she made the most of her opportunities. She became only the second female to ride in the Kentucky Derby when she finished 11th aboard So Vague in 1984, she was the first female to ride in the Preakness and she won four riding titles at Turfway.
"As a female competitor in a man's sport, it's been a challenge all my career," she said. "I could win four races in one night and I still had to come out the next day and prove to somebody that I was still capable. It's something I've always had to do. I had struggle and fight and kick and scream at some of them. With some others, you have to beg and plead. You just hope somebody comes along with a decent horse."
By the middle of 2001, she wasn't winning as many races as she used to, but she was still a factor at places like Ellis Park and Turfway and seemed destined to spend the next several years as a solid journeyman. That all changed in Sept. 2001 when it was discovered she had breast cancer. A mastectomy and 10 months later, she was back, riding in a race at Churchill Downs while serving notice that it would take something more than cancer to get her to quit.
The next two years were understandably slow, but she was just starting to gain some momentum when she went down last April at Keeneland. Riding a horse named Ide Rather Not, her mount began to lug out on the first turn and appeared to get entangled with the legs of another horse. The result was an ugly three-horse spill and injuries to Cooksey that were so severe Keeneland's track physician Dr. Barry Schumer told reporters that her career was likely over.
Between the breast cancer and the Keeneland spill, she would miss 19 months of riding over a 30-month period.
"It's been challenging," she said. "But the will of God doesn't give you anything more than the grace of God can't give you. You have to have the good with the bad because then the bad helps you appreciate the good. It makes you a stronger person. It makes you realize who you are and what you are and what you are made of. People say, 'You're so brave.' I don't think I'm brave, but I'm not curl up and die."
The horse she rode Friday at Turfway didn't have much of a chance. She set the pace, but stopped to a near walk well before the top of the stretch and was beaten 23 1/4 lengths. That didn't make it any less exciting.
"It was such a wonderful thing, such a great feeling," she said. "Getting into the gate, I could feel my horse's heart beating. I know my heart was beating as hard as her's was."
Cooksey's not sure when she will retire. A lot, she says, will depend on how many mounts she gets and their quality. It could be a couple of years, it could be more, it could be less. She says it might even happen right after she wins a race at Keeneland or Churchill, that she'll just walk away right then and there. Wherever it happens, whenever it happens, whoever it happens, it will feel right.
