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|Larry Brown doesn't have the best U.S. players on his squad for Athens.|
The team could use a couple of bona fide role players. Erick Dampier or Kenny Thomas or Brad Miller could do quite a bit of dirty work on the boards and on the defensive end.
The other issue is that the rest of the world has made dramatic improvement. I mean, can we talk? Can we let our hair down and just talk straight from the hip? I believe I saw two brothers on the court for the German team. When I saw two "brothas" running alongside Dirk, I said, "Oh, (spit), we in for a long day. Pack a lunch, A.I." Please, God, don't let me see Yao running a pick-n-roll with LeDantre Lee or Jerome Ming. If that happens, it's curtains. Just hand LeBron and Carmelo their bronze medals and send them home now. Look, we can go ahead, fess up and admit that we don't have a lock on producing the world's greatest athletes anymore. Our young athletes are so smothered in cholesterol, salt, fat grams and super-sized french fries that by the time they're 16, they work up a sweat just sitting in their basement playing online games of NFL 2K5 and Madden 2005.
|Maybe 50 Cent could add a gold medal to his gold chains.|
And just think what could happen if we get a little cooperation from freedom fighter George W. Bush, and he pardons Rae Carruth and Suge Knight to captain our football and rap teams. Big Suge would have Osama and his terrorist squad assigned to Death Row by the end of the opening ceremonies -- which, of course, would feature a performance by Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake.
The only problem with this plan is whether the IOC considers marijuana to be a performance-enhancing drug. If so, I could see a lot of our top rappers following the lead of their NBA brethren and declining a spot on the team. Maybe the legalization of the stickee-ickee-ickee would solve our problems both on the basketball court and in the proposed sport of battle rapping. Jason Whitlock is a columnist for the Kansas City Star and a regular contributor on ESPN The Magazine's Sunday morning edition of "The Sports Reporters." He also hosts an afternoon radio show, "The Doghouse," on Kansas City's 61 Sports KCSP. He can be reached at email@example.com.