|ESPN.com: Page 2||[Print without images]|
|This is definitely not the position the Eagles hoped Shawn Andrews would be in.|
|Don't count Andy Reid and Brad Childress among the fans basking in Week 1 glory.|
|FLEM GEMS -- NFL WEEK 1||30-SECOND COLUMN|
|If it hadn't been for a police escort, Terrell Owens would have arrived late to the game on Sunday after somehow misjudging the traffic in his new hometown. But once he caught three TDs in his Philly debut -- ust two fewer than the entire Eagles WR corps had in 16 games last year -- everyone seemed eager to laugh off the incident. The team reportedly won't fine T.O., and coach Andy Reid says he wasn't even aware of the 'tardy' arrival. But counting his disparaging insinuation during training camp about Jeff Garcia's sexual preference, this is now the second T.O. 'incident' that has been laughed off or disregarded altogether. "I was on time for the game," said T.O. "That's all that matters." OK. Fine. But it's stuff like this that makes athletes think they're above the rules in the first place. And when T.O. goes off the deep end at some point this season -- and you know he will -- don't sit there scratching your head wondering why he just doesn't get it. Maybe it's us.||FLEM FILE FIVE|
|Top five scariest quotes from Elton John before the season opener: 5.) "When they (the Pats) won the Super Bowl the first time and John Madden was saying, 'They shouldn't be risking this play,' I was going ... 'Go for it, Go for it!!!'" 4.) "No (I don't have a Super Bowl ring), I have a skull ring." 3.) "It's pretty much the same (football in the United States compared to England), without the vulgarities that the crowds chant at each other." 2.) "I think Detroit improved (in the off-season)." 1.) "Robert (Kraft) has been after me to write a song about the Patriots."||(T)FLEM FILE|
I'm happy to report that Titans backup FB Troy Fleming aced his interview to fill in while Flem File mascot ZFlem is on IR with a torn Achilles. But really, how can you not like a fullback? A selfless, hard-working guy (all Flemings are like this) who happily puts his body in harm's way to help someone else find the end zone and the spotlight.|
TFlem is the kind of guy who, when asked how he's feeling, you have to remind him he has a broken ring finger on his left hand. "Ah, yeah," he finally says. "It's not too much pain." TFlem was more freaked out by the weather during his NFL debut in Miami, held a day early because of the oncoming hurricane. "Man, it was hot, then it rained, then the sun came out again, then it got cloudy, rainy and sunny again -- wild," says the self-professed forensic TV junkie (he also likes Def Poetry).When the Titans selected TFlem in the sixth round of the 2004 draft, all of his buddies teased him about "never leaving the state of Tennessee." Fleming grew up in Franklin, Tenn., about 15 miles outside of Nashville, where at Battle Ground Academy, he set the Tennessee high school rushing record with 3,008 yards. Twice named Mr. Football as a prep, Fleming was a regular guest on "The Jeff Fisher Show." He matriculated to UT, where the 6-foot, 230-pounder developed a rep as a nasty bulldozer blocker (he rushed for one TD in four years) as well as a special team's monsta. That's where he'll see the most action as an NFL rook, but you get the feeling TFlem kinda likes the contact and chaos in there, especially when it's against his former teammates from UT like Miami LB Eddie Moore. "When that happens, it's even more of a blast," he says. "I'm not trying to hurt anybody, but I will take care of business." Well, TFlem, your business here is finished. You're hired.
Here's why I love Page2: Now I'm getting emails from guys named "Bucket," "Melon" and "Shooter."
My man Shooter writes, "I loved your piece about 'Prime Time,' and I couldn't agree with you more. I'm not sure why he even wears pads. Athlete, yes ... football player? Maybe if it was flag football."
Melon says, "Mr. Flem. First time reader, I enjoyed everything."|
Bucket isn't a big fan, but somehow hate mail from someone named Bucket just doesn't sting quite as much. Mr. B writes, "Regarding your shock-therapy column ... Dude, that's just disturbing."Adds fellow reader Howard, "G-g-glad y-y-you ssssurvv---vived thesshhshho--shhshhock treatment. I wouldn't even let some super hot dominatrix do that to me! Truthfully, it sounds sick." Matt suggested more torture. "No doubt you'll have a plethora of vitriolic correspondence to show your readers every week if you attach your name to idiotic opinions like your implication that Hamm should forfeit his gold medal," he wrote. "This suggestion is so ignorant and myopic that I wonder if it is simply bait to get the impassioned letters flowing." Matt, Part II, says, "You obviously know a lot more about boy bands than you do about John Mayer." Here's what J. had to say, "Why don't you make your entire column a '30-second' column? That way, we'll only have to wade through a half-minute of inane, unfunny BS before we tune out. And OBTW, you're only the 11th jealous hack to do the 'it keeps Deion off the TV' joke this week, but you're definitely the most boring. Congrats!" Bruce counters with, "Ahh, another sign the best season of the year looms: The Flem File returns. Not quite as sweet as the return of the NFL for another year, but always good for a laugh and a look at the players." And Chris adds, "Finally, someone's talking some sense. Deion Sanders was just as fast two years ago and he still got burned all the time, for exactly what you said ... he's afraid to tackle." Regarding our Flem File mascot, Ari begs, "Definitely do not demote ZFlem; he is awesome." Led by Jeff, a group at the University of Arizona that calls itself the Flem Squad nominated TE Steve Fleming as the next Flem File mascot. They already have "Fleming for Heisman" T-shirts made up. "As long as you don't jinx him," writes Jeff. "In other words, he better not blow out his Achilles also."
Carol brings up a good point. "Why do you address your comments to 'dudes'? There are a great many FEMALES who love and enjoy football. My husband is clueless when I talk about a 3-4 defense or the West Coast offense. I don't really want to appear in the WHYLO column, but I think you could be a little less gender-biased."Hey, tell that to Brian: "After reading your column, one word comes to mind ... p---y." Still, you know it's been a good week when that sewage is not enough to win the WHYLO award. Regarding the note on Adam Archuleta's bench press, Charles begins his missive with a question: "You must be kidding, right? There is probably not a man on earth who can bench near three times his own weight. And most assuredly for those few monsters who can, none of them weigh only 205. Please fix this obvious error because it's hard to read the rest of the column with anything resembling credulity when you start off with something as obviously off the mark as that figure." For starters, three times Arch's weight would be 615 pounds. I said last week that he has a 530-pound bench press. (If I'm correcting your math, you have bigger issues than the WHYLO, my friend.) Chuck is correct on one point: The number is off. After finishing his workouts this summer, Arch now actually bench presses closer to 560 pounds. Good for Arch. Bad for Charlie. For suggesting that I simply made up that number, Charles gets the distinction of being the first Page 2 WHYLO in the history of the Flem File. Oh, Mr. Mental Bench Press, Who Helped You Log On?
Philadelphia Highlight No. 1: T-shirt seen while walking into The Link: 'DRINK BEER' in huge lettering on the back, with the tiny inscription underneath, go eagles ... Is it effeminate to bring your own shampoo on the road?
THIS COLUMN WRITTEN WHILE LISTENING TO: Modest Mouse.