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Friday, November 12, 2004
Updated: November 15, 12:08 PM ET
Where did all the offense go?

By David Schoenfield
Page 2

Day 15 ...

This was the sort of game that's interesting only because it was so awful.

Florida State had 38 totals yards in the first half.

North Carolina State had no first downs in the second half.

The teams combined to go 14 for 43 for 173 yards through the air.

Total offense, combined: 258 yards.

It was so awful that the highlight of the evening was Mrs. Couch Potato joining the action in the third quarter, hearing the Florida State band playing that incessant chant and shouting, "I hate that $#*&!@#! song."

(Who outside of Tallahassee doesn't?)

It was so awful I was tempted to switch over to the Miami Heat-Dallas Mavericks game on a rival network.

Thursday Scorecard
Food consumed: Four chicken tacos with crispy shells, cheese, lettuce and taco sauce. One lemon cookie.

Diet sodas: 2

Salsa: Went with the Pedro salsa again. Solid, very solid, just like Pedro in the playoffs this year. By the way, nice choke, Yankees.

Hours spent blowing leaves: 2

Believe it or not, it might snow today in Connecticut. But there are still a few leaves yet to fall! It's not supposed to snow when leaves are still on trees, is it?
(Can you blame me?)

It was so awful I was reminded how much I dislike Florida State.

(Throw in Miami and Florida as well.)

No doubt about it, this game was wide right, especially since Florida State pulled out the victory. Anyway, three things kept me from falling asleep during this one:

1.) Tacos. Luckily, I had dinner during the first quarter. Chicken tacos, heavy on the taco sauce. That pretty much got me through the first 15 minutes of action.

2.) Mike Tirico, Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit had a good night. Luckily, they realized this game was a dog, so they had some fun in the booth and were fair in their criticism of both teams.

3.) Mrs. Couch Potato's second-half entrance. Mrs. Potato spent her younger years going to Hurricanes games with her brothers: "The best part about those games were Miami fans giving the finger whenever Florida State played that stupid song."

Mrs. Potato was also critical of the hat North Carolina State coach Chuck Amato was wearing, describing it as a cross between the headgear worn by Peter Sellers' Inspector Clouseau and Bear Bryant. Her actual words were, "Look how pathetic that hat is! All he needs is the big trenchcoat."

I can't say I disagree. How could his assistant coaches let him wear that? No wonder the Wolfpack are in the bottom 10 in the nation in turnover margin and penalty yards. I blame the hat.

FOOTBALL IN AMERICA
  • Football In America Index
  • Drehs: Day 15: Returning to normal
  • Postcard
  • Schoenfield: Livin' La Vida Sofa
  • Forde: Why we love football
  • Anyway, only four days left. We have Hawaii-Fresno State tonight (ESPN, 10:30 ET), Iowa-Minnesota on Saturday (ESPN, noon ET), Buffalo-New England on Sunday night and Philadelphia-Dallas on Monday night, when I look forward to watching Bill Parcells lose another one.

    I'm in the stretch run, so it's clear sailing now. Fatigue has definitely set in, and boring games are becoming much harder to watch than two weeks ago. But, as they like to say in football, I'm just taking 'em one game at a time now.

    I just wish Louisville was playing in them.

    E-mails of the Day
    I received lots of e-mails about the pro vs. college comparison. I appreciate the time everyone took to write. I'm just going to say this: You NFL fans are a whiny bunch. Loosen up a little.

    I can't believe anyone in their right mind would rather watch a college game than an NFL game. You are a loser. The poll results indicate that you are a loser that caters to other losers.
    -- Jamie Zona

    Jamie, it's because we know how to think for ourselves. You should try it sometime.

    I hate you. Hate Boston. Hate the American League. Hate college football. Hate you. Keep up the good work.
    -- Matt Tosto

    Ahh, Matt, are you one of those arrogant, cocky National Leaguers who still think AL pitchers are wusses and NL pitchers are "men"?

    David, David, David,

    I know you are married and farther removed from the college lifestyle than myself, but what is up with the lauding of the USC cheerleaders? You aren't the only one I have seen perpetuate this myth, but it is a myth that needs to die and die soon. The USC cheerleaders are several notches below any respectable group of college cheer hotties.

    I first realized the USC girls were less than stellar when I attended the 1999 Notre Dame/USC game in South Bend. We went to a tailgate at one of the training centers, and as we were leaving, well before the game, the USC cheerleaders were leaving the center as well. I held the door for them, all 12 or so, and I was amazed at how gross these girls looked up close. Zits, fat, way too much makeup, bad '80s-style hairdos on each one. It was awful.

    Now that crew is graduated, but I am attaching a link to the current USC cheerleaders.

    Now take at close look at this current group. The entire back row is fugly. Nice hair and that's it. The second-to-last row -- I will admit the two on the right are pretty hot, but the other two are very so-so. And the girl in the middle of the front row is truly funky. As a group, this does not look like a bunch of cheerleaders.

    OK, say my standards are too high, and you decide these girls are in fact "cute." That still doesn't explain why you are raving about them when there are so many other colleges with much, much better girls. UCLA's are probably better, Florida, FSU, any SEC school except maybe UK, since their cheerleaders are given scholarships based on gymnastic ability -- the reason why they have won like 10 cheerleading national championships or something. Which reminds me, Louisville's are like Kentucky's. Impressive at what they do, but not the hottest group out there.

    Anyway, I thought I needed to set the record straight.

    -- Ben Reynolds

    Get your facts straight, Ben: Kentucky has won 13 National College Cheerleading Championships.

    Excellent article on Page 2. I agree with all of your points and I couldn't have worded them any better (especially the USC cheerleaders!)
    -- Greg Osborne

    David Schoenfield is an editor for Page 2 in his day job. He can be reached at davidschoenfield@yahoo.com.